feel like giving up - pt 2

[Awoken]

I do want to be the first one though. I don't want to be served first.

I know this will sound like I'm contradicting myself: Unless you are filing D to take control of the sitch, I'm not sure it matters who files first. I'm sure it cost my W more money to file first. Of course, I had already separated our finances to protect myself and the family ( I should have done it sooner!

Another factor, which I honestly didn't plan on, is how it affected my kids. They both know that W filed for divorce. They both know I'm the one that was fighting for the M. This has good and bad elements. It has likely hurt their R with mom, although she had already done damage to their R. I suppose it makes me look better for now, although I can tell they are occasionally angry with me for not being able to keep the M together. I know for sure that my W resents that I "made" her file for D.

Only you will know whats best, but I think the matter of who files first shouldn't be a deciding factor.

I remember how hard it was contemplating the decision about filing was for me, how on edge it made me. It surprised me when she filed first (sooner than I thought). Hang in there luv.