Its not that I am concerned about her being angry. I am considering how my holding on makes her want run. I feel like I am playing Russian Roulette. I am thinking: "If the let her go by signing the papers, maybe, just maybe, she will feel differently once she knows she 100% free to choose." I don't know if I am thinking straight anymore. I have a counseling session on Thursday, maybe I will discuss this with the counselor first.
I think this is a common dilemma. It does happen (spouse, once freed, realizing his or her mistake). My advice is to back off, and give yourself time to make a choice based on your needs and what YOU feel is right. If she doesn't like the wait, then tough. You're both in a terrible situation right now and what is right for one person isn't always right for the other. This is a monumental decision.
I've been waiting for the magic phone call for six Mos. I've been in a holding pattern. You can't control your spouse, so move forward with the attitude that it's your life and she can play a part in it or not. If she does, then you can compromise, until then don't.
I don't know when or if I'll think straight again, so don't worry about that. Be cautious and don't agree to or do anything until it is well thought out.
Lots of luck.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
