New here but have been a voyeur

[pearlharbr]

I'm a big proponent of not acting until you are certain. It doesn't sound to me like you are. I would still go to the lawyer and get all your questions answered. Knowledge is power.

Regarding H being in withdrawal from his A: that is normal. It's not really fair to expect him not to go through that because it's painful to you. This whole situation is painful and it's going to be more painful no matter what you decide to do. You have to go through it to get better.

It seems to me that you're making assumptions and acting on them. You believe you're H's secondary relationship yet he professes that he is done with OW and is willing to prove it to you. What are you basing that statement on?

Again, I'm not trying to talk you into or out of doing anything. I just know firsthand the flip-flopping of emotions and decisions at that stage. I think I decided 2-3 times that I was leaving BF after we started piecing because it's too hard, too painful, and I would be better off just starting fresh. But I wasn't entirely convinced of that in a day or two so I'm just staying the course for now.

OTOH, when I decided I was done with his cheating ass I was 110% sure I wanted him out of the house and I was finished. The moment of clarity was sharp and I was at peace with the decision.

So before I make any other big decisions I will wait for that moment of clarity.