Hope, I think I am finally accapting what has happened and not trying to deny it anymore. I think the change inside was that I accepted that if I am going to stay married to THIS man, his affair and the lst 3 years will be part of our common history.
What he sees is, better mood, upbeat, started doing things for me but also leading again in our R to lead us out of this rut (sp?). I was excepting him to do things he told me, showed me, confessed, admitted he CANT at this point. Maybe I am naive but I take that as given now and try to softly show him he is capable of making me happy, that he is good enough, that he can be all he wants but failed to be. Many times I think of what it was that made her so attractive (because it wasnt her beauty-lol) and her letters give that info:she treated him with love, no juding, etc etc. What all men want. What "How to improve your M without talking about it" says, because that is what we all do in the first stages of a R. I am fighting my resentment and anger with compassion and understanding. That is VERY hard, believe me.
I am letting manly chores to be taken care of by him, I am asking for help, I am being tender, I am being/trying to be more specific when I talk. I stopped acting as if it is my RIGHT to expect things to "mend us" because he f@cked up, I am doing this WITH him. And he responds so far. Granted my steps are small, his are as well. Also, because a couple of times he did surprise me, I try to allow room for him to react differently than he did in the past.
flo you are right. Maybe I will just go ahead and rape him. Problem is, I have no desire to either... K
