Thank you Water and Shiny I still think this is the hardest phase of all though. Once you ACCEPT the M is "busted" you still have to work just as hard to keep it that way ...it seems like this process is never-ending...but worth it in the long run !
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
H brought this home too me about a year ago as a joke but when I found it the other day I thought that parts of it could be looked at as a guide in the DB'ing process too. It also gives one an idea of the mindset of people from the time period and a CLUE as to WHY R/M's were more successul back then...ENJOY!
The good wife's guide Housekeeping Monthly 13 May 1955
*Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready and on time for his return. THis is away of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed whe he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just befor your husband arrives.
* Gather up the schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables
* Over hte cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give yu a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the childrens hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer and vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
* Be happy to see him.
* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first-remember, his topics are more important than yours.
* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make your home a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband cna renew himself in body and spirit.
* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
* Don't complain if he's late homr for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have know right to question him.
* A good wife always knows her place.
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
I thought that line was a little scary too. I think the basic idea of being concerned with your spouse is a good one. However if it is all one sided that's when WAW's happen. Where is the list that says what an H is supposed to do for his wife?
Anyway, Zoo, I'm glad you are doing so great, starting to have doubts myself about fighting for M especially since it is hard for me to figure out what to do when I hardly see him.
I think it's time to read the DR book again over my winter break.
Anyway, glad to see you are doing so well.
Keep it up
GParker (Oh ya I finally have a new thread 6 months and Praying)
LOL...there were things on that list that I told H were NEVER going to happen so I hoped he wasn't getting his hopes up!!
The areas that I thought applied Db-wise were more along the lines of the make H commfortable, be upbeat, make home pleasant parts I know from my own actions that today's "liberated" woman tends to overlook some of the good, old -fashion, common sense treatment that an H might appreciate. My H is only in his 30's but his parents were products of that '40's-'50's era and they instilled in him a great deal of those types of values which are important to him. I thought it might be the same with some of the other H's on here as well
The one that really got me was the one about letting men stay out all night and not ask questions....RIIIIIIGHT.
~smile~
Zoo
Last edited by Zoo; 11/24/0309:15 PM.
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
YEah, I wondered about that list for the H concerning the W myself Too bad H's don't come along with a set of instructions included along with a M license eh?? Maybe they would tell us how to input said list into H's database...it is probably one of those things you had to pay extra for that they listed in the fine print!
Will check out your new thread soon Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
H has been putting it on a bit more of late but normally only when it would seem propriety dictates (business trips etc.) H did wear it to drill last weekend and this past Fri. but I figured it was basically to humor me even though I didn't ask him too
H wore his ring to work today!!
H has always given the excuse that he CAN'T wear it to work because of regulations at his plant. I always figured that was pretty much bogus because I know H doesn't work around the machinery but is a desk-jockey I haven't really pushed the issue though because H got irritated a few times when I mentioned it. I didn't even bother to point out that when my father started working in the plant a couple of months ago HE wasn't required to remove his ring and HE works in maintenance!
H wore his ring to work today and I am shocked and amazed and positively giddy about it !
My list of positives just seems to be getting better all of the time
This past weekend was nothing but one great big positive so I won't go into detail about it
I bet ya'all are saying "THANK GOD" for that
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
That list! Holy! Ok, Ok, I understand the need to want to look forward to going home and having some peace and tranquility to wind down at the end of a work day! They make it sound like those guys were in a war zone everyday. To the point where the stress caused the poor dears to stay out all night long....OK...not likely!
I read this and think, "hey, I want a wife like that!"
I had to chuckle at the "stay out all night" line too!! LOL!
But truth be told, there IS something to wifely charms...I have NO idea how much influence this had, but when things were really rough last year, the one thing that we did together was eat home-cooked meals...I even asked CJ what his favourite food was...and it's MY pasta shells...he admitted this rather grudgingly when he was more "gone" than "here".
I still think this is the hardest phase of all though. Once you ACCEPT the M is "busted" you still have to work just as hard to keep it that way ...it seems like this process is never-ending...but worth it in the long run ! 
I know from my own actions that today's "liberated" woman tends to overlook some of the good, old -fashion, common sense treatment that an H might appreciate. My H is only in his 30's but his parents were products of that '40's-'50's era and they instilled in him a great deal of those types of values which are important to him. I thought it might be the same with some of the other H's on here as well 
