H salivating? At this point, only over food I cook...
Yeah you are right guys, in general, but dont think he is under stress from ME about the past etc all the time. I try for myself not to dwell somuch on it, I just need some logical explanations, some of HIS thoughts over what has happened. I have exhausted my mind, I need his input as well. We cant be fighting this, each of us laone in his corner, we have to do it as a team.I promise, cross my heart, hope to die, sticj a neddle in my eye, that if/when he dicides to open up, he will get love back, not anger, not hate, just love.
I wouldnt want to be in his shoes. That's for sure. K
PS We talked,on the phone, chit chat, I am feeling sick today and he sounded worried. I wasnt mad or upset, just talking...
The only suggestion I would give if to write down your questions and if you really want some answers, make sure you don't ask them when you are having a down day. It is important that the emotions and the imformation do not mix because if you ask when you are down, it is more likely when you hear something that will hurt that you will do something to show the negative emotions more.
I understand wanting to know, but doing it with a counselor present I think is important so you have a mediator in case it gets too tense.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Maria, I just started following your thread more regularly - can you briefly let me in on what your attitude change has been the past month? I want to support you because it seems to have a good effect your H. THanks.
LOL Maria. I think you have the perfect attitude. I know you vent on here and are more careful at home, and the progress you have made proves you are more than capable of handling it!
Sorry you aren't feeling well. Glad H is worried about you.
Hang in there my dear. (((Maria)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I have exhausted my mind, I need his input as well. We cant be fighting this, each of us laone in his corner, we have to do it as a team.I promise, cross my heart, hope to die, sticj a neddle in my eye, that if/when he dicides to open up, he will get love back, not anger, not hate, just love.
I think you both have exhausted your minds. I hope you can work on babysteps with the physical connection. Progress in that area will provide more reassurance than hundreds of painful, exhausting conversations will. Yes, the conversations will have to happen eventually. But those conversations could differ so much depending on the emotional context. You don't have to just work with words here. Would expressing yourself non-verbally be a 180 for you?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Hope, I think I am finally accapting what has happened and not trying to deny it anymore. I think the change inside was that I accepted that if I am going to stay married to THIS man, his affair and the lst 3 years will be part of our common history.
What he sees is, better mood, upbeat, started doing things for me but also leading again in our R to lead us out of this rut (sp?). I was excepting him to do things he told me, showed me, confessed, admitted he CANT at this point. Maybe I am naive but I take that as given now and try to softly show him he is capable of making me happy, that he is good enough, that he can be all he wants but failed to be. Many times I think of what it was that made her so attractive (because it wasnt her beauty-lol) and her letters give that info:she treated him with love, no juding, etc etc. What all men want. What "How to improve your M without talking about it" says, because that is what we all do in the first stages of a R. I am fighting my resentment and anger with compassion and understanding. That is VERY hard, believe me.
I am letting manly chores to be taken care of by him, I am asking for help, I am being tender, I am being/trying to be more specific when I talk. I stopped acting as if it is my RIGHT to expect things to "mend us" because he f@cked up, I am doing this WITH him. And he responds so far. Granted my steps are small, his are as well. Also, because a couple of times he did surprise me, I try to allow room for him to react differently than he did in the past.
flo you are right. Maybe I will just go ahead and rape him. Problem is, I have no desire to either... K
This may be TMI but when ex and I were dating, I would go over to his apartment and wake him up that way. I had a key by the way so nothing had to be said.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
flo you are right. Maybe I will just go ahead and rape him. Problem is, I have no desire to either...
How did we get from babysteps to raping . Have you and your H even given one another a massage? Just a loving, physical gift with no expectations? A foot rub? I'm not suggesting sex when you are not ready. But you are both ready for something...I saw the body language in the photos. Attachment, connection, love, emotional safety...so much of this happens beyond the realm of words.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
. Have you and your H even given one another a massage? Just a loving, physical gift with no expectations? A foot rub? I'm not suggesting sex when you are not ready. But you are both ready for something...I saw the body language in the photos. Attachment, connection, love, emotional safety...so much of this happens beyond the realm of words.