Morning sweetie hope it's seems a brighter day today for you!
Lots to be sad for and lots to be happy about, one year on and you haven't lost him yet or the plot lol! But you are stronger, happier more confident and enjoying transforming yourself through all your hard work. No longer do you open mouth then engage brain, but consider your thoughts and actions and how they may be percieved for the best a very worthwhile and precious skill you should be thoroughly proud of, just spend today thinking of all the good things that have come from this split one day like me I hope the good list will way outlist the bad. Huge hugs back to work tomorrow so I can poke my four penneth in more often x
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
The bombaversary is a painful reminder and I think it's good to experience and release your feelings. But I hope that you can also make some space to acknowledge the good too...not by stuffing the negative stuff. DBing as all about building on the positives.
Here's a little mission for you...should you choose to accept it. Cut out a bunch of paper hearts. On each one write something that you're grateful for from the past year and today. It's a concrete way to reinforce the happy truths of your life.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks everyone! You don't know how much your support means to me!
I'm sad to say so far I"ve let you down - I overslept this morning - didn't want to get out of bed. Now I"m awake and S is still sick so I"m picking him up from school early to spend the day with him.
I realized H was probably very upset that I wouldn't let S go to his apt. I have not yet once let S sleep there and only generally said ok to S "visiting". It's part of my bitterness I guess. I feel like H should be working toward being at home more, not less. I also can't stand the thought of losing my S. LEaving was not my idea so I don't support it. Also, I"ve given in to H's stupid demands so much - the legal sep, giving him "time" to figure out what he wants, stopped asking for any time with him...I feel like this thing I don't want to give in to.
HOwever, I woke up realizing he was probably mad about this last night - S was sick so H didn't want to come over to germ house, but probably would have liked to have S at his clean apt. When H is mad, I usually cave. Even when it's a bad idea or I don't believe in it.
I almost called him today and offered to bring S to his apt just to avoid the anger, and also out of guilt. But didn't.
After bomb week is over and no one is ill or tired, I would reconsider giving H one night a week with S at apartment as a 180. Frame it as "I appreciate you being so patient with both MC and giving S the time he needed to get adjusted to this situation. Let's try one night a week for awhile." Just a thought.
If you feel H's anger is better under control now, that is. I think that was one of your earlier fears before his anxiety meds kicked in and the counseling started working.
Maybe you could say (not bring up his anger), "And if you ever have too busy or stressful a day, I'll take him that night for you no questions asked."
Better make it morning until early afternoon though if you are serious about no overnights. A dinnertime pick up is just going to lead to that request seems like.
H4L, today is NOT the day to talk or think about overnights. If your H brings it up, just say that you can't talk about it today and offer to talk about it in two days.
One day at a time applies more than ever today.
And you haven't let us down. We're here for you, not the other way around.
hugs
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
