Dr Jack - (once again just kidding....as you can tell I am in a funny mood today )
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What buttons get pushed or things happen to make one day different than the other?
I think the buttons are just normal emotions when I find out some not to good news. For example - getting the kids 50/50 may not actually happen for me. It depends on if she wants to fight it and leave it in the hands of the courts. Since the boys are old enough they will have say in the matter. As I have mentioned they are very close to her and she has manipulated them a bit so I suspect that if this went to court they would allow her to have them most of the time (I'll probably get typical every other weekend type stuff). Since the court usually keeps the kids together that would mean that I would not have my D 50% of the time, which would also suck. This one would be the killer. Finally, if I do not get 50% she can move with the kids whenever she wants. So to summarize the buttons are really just bad news. Oh..by the way - if she get the kids most of the time then the house would stay with her. So everything that I would want is really in the hands of the court and my MLC wife.
With all of this I still try and maintain as positive an outlook as I can.
Thoughts?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You agree that you react to things and reaction affects the decision that you currently make? As in your long term plan...now becomes a different plan?
More thoughts:
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For example - getting the kids 50/50 may not actually happen for me. It depends on if she wants to fight it and leave it in the hands of the courts. Since the boys are old enough they will have say in the matter. As I have mentioned they are very close to her and she has manipulated them a bit so I suspect that if this went to court they would allow her to have them most of the time (I'll probably get typical every other weekend type stuff). Since the court usually keeps the kids together that would mean that I would not have my D 50% of the time, which would also suck. This one would be the killer. Finally, if I do not get 50% she can move with the kids whenever she wants. So to summarize the buttons are really just bad news. Oh..by the way - if she get the kids most of the time then the house would stay with her. So everything that I would want is really in the hands of the court and my MLC wife.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side. And if "ifs" and "ands" Were pots and pans, There'd be no work for tinkers hands!
--Mother Goose
Just saying Mr. Pessy McPessimisticson
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I understand what you are going through. It is not necessarily buttons, but yourself trying to forecast different good or bad futures day to day. I think you should have multiple contingency plans. It is even in the Doctor's signature line - Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B.
I think you are doing the right thing now by giving her space.
BTW... Does anyone feel comfortable with a doctor that packs one of these?...
You agree that you react to things and reaction affects the decision that you currently make? As in your long term plan...now becomes a different plan?
Kinda of sort of, which I am sure is not the right answer. I think Kerry said it best. I am trying to "forecast" the future and really I need to stop this. You are correct in that I do not know what the futures hold. For my own piece of mind I will "plan" worst case scenario this way I am not disappointed if things work out better than expected.
I do not think I change plans per se..I may consider other scenarios but this too I need to stop. Another issue that I need to work on.
My long term plan really amounts to work on my issues, control what I can control i.e. emotions and really learn to live in limbo. Oh...and GAL, etc.
Finally, any db suggestions on how to deal with W? I am detaching and really keep to myself when she is around my answers are short and sweet - no more. I think I know the answer but figured I would ask.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Yes I do know the answer...keep detaching and keep GAL'ing.
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How do you feel about paying down 33% of your debt in one whack?
Feeling pretty good, I suspect that I'll be able to pay down another 10 - 20 % in the next few months.
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Maybe it is enabling her escape
Maybe it is maybe it isn't only she and God know. I cannot worry about it right now. I just need to keep being the man that I am - kind, gentle, responsible, loving, true, etc. Everything else is out of my control. As I said a few days ago...I am living for ME and my kids.
On a side note...she has been pretty "friendly" the past few days...She went food shopping and made it a point to point out the things that she picked up for me i.e. Yogurt, Rasin Bran, Chicken Breast, etc. "Eric - look I picked these up for you". For the record, I am not reading into any of it. I simply look at it "as if" she is just being nice - nothing more nothing less. I do have a question...In these cases how are we to interact with our MLC S? Is this where I apply the mirror approach? I do not want to give/open up too much to her so my answer tend to be "thank you", "yes", "have a good day". Any thoughts on how I should interact with her. The past few days have been much better for me - the detaching is really helping but as everyone has said takes time to master. I look forward to suggestions on how to interact with her. Remember we do have kids so we will need to have some form of communication for the foresable future.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I just need to keep being the man that I am - kind, gentle, responsible, loving, true, etc. Everything else is out of my control. As I said a few days ago...I am living for ME and my kids.
EVERY day.......not just today.
Can you keep this attitude and train of thought?
No lunch breaks from it?
I think you can...
Unless you do something stupid just to prove me wrong.....
yes buddy everyday - I know I will have ups and downs but I am focused on ME right now.
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Unless you do something stupid just to prove me wrong.....
Stupid? me? Yeah you know me alright I am taking the advice of drinking a tall glass of STFU daily. This appears to be working - so hopefully I do not do anything stupid.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
On a side note...she has been pretty "friendly" the past few days...She went food shopping and made it a point to point out the things that she picked up for me i.e. Yogurt, Rasin Bran, Chicken Breast, etc. "Eric - look I picked these up for you".
They do this stuff. Just take it for what it is, a nice gesture...
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Any thoughts on how I should interact with her.
Again, you already know the answer to this question...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
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I am taking the advice of drinking a tall glass of STFU daily. This appears to be working - so hopefully I do not do anything stupid.