OP didn't mean you were trying to control him...it's just that when it comes to your asking him to not have the children around the OW, don't expect him to do what you're asking, as they say one thing, then do another. Whatever you want is NOT what your MLC'er is going to want...so they do the opposite, no matter WHO it hurts.
It's not wrong to protect your children, but don't expect him to SHARE that protection...does this make better sense? You're asking him to do something he might NOT do; because of the place he is in.
He will do what he has to do when he thinks he has to do it..regardless of WHO it hurts; even if it IS the children.
They are ALL over the map; uncaring, unfeeling..it is all a part of what your husband is going through.
Your husband is not going to relate what he experienced in childhood to his own children; this is about HIM; not you or the children...he is not the man you knew; and in some ways you're STILL seeing him as that. It's hard to get out that mindset; I had been there for awhile, before I learned....That's why detaching is SO important, so you can clearly see where and what he has become at this moment in time.
It takes time to revise your thinking to understand that the MLC Alienship has got him for now.
It's not wrong to protect your children, but don't use them to "control" what he does, as in expecting him to care if he hurts them by exposing them to OW. Because he DOESN'T care at this point. That's what OP is trying to get across to you.
Does this help?
OP and I are not trying to hurt you, we're trying to help you, and the truth, though it hurts is important for you to know and understand.
You have to decide what's best for your children, at this point, you are definitely in this alone; as your husband is in MLC, and of no help to you at this point.
You continue to be in my prayers for the Lord to move in this situation. He does allow things to happen that we don't understand; most of the time it is not for our understanding, but for our growth..we'll understand later on.
Much love, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
