Are you getting good marital advice?

[TrentC]

Did I say that some posters browbeat and insist that their advice must be taken?

What I find interesting is the diversity of opinions. If I were to discuss this on the MLC forums about a spouse who is having a midlife crisis -- that includes MLCers who are in EAs or PAs -- they would be giving almost the exact opposite advice.

* Be patient; a person in an MLC can take years to come out of it
* Do research on MLCs and how people behave so you know how to handle the mood swings and behavior
* Do not put any pressure on them, give them their space

What I think Lotus means about "free advice being worth what you pay for it" is that most everyone who posts on these forums are psuedonymous. You know exactly what I choose to tell you about my life, my situation, and my experiences and knowledge.

I want to see people restore their marriages. I also believe in erring on the side of compassion and understanding when it comes to handling a wayward spouse. WAS's and cheaters are certainly capable of lies and manipulation, but it's not hard to put a bad light on throwing their stuff out on the front lawn, changing the locks, etc. You have to live with the consequences of your decisions; not me, not Lotus, not AllenA, not anyone else on these forums.

(Speaking on changing locks and the like: every state has different laws regarding things like recording conversations, snooping in email, changing locks on jointly owned property, etc. Just because I can record a phone conversation legally in Oregon as long as one party knows that it is happening does not mean that it is legal to do so in your jurisdiction. You could land yourself in serious hot water if you don't do your own research or consult your own attorney. Which brings us back to caveat emptor.)