NEON RED is GO for Launch!

[Zoo]

Thank you everyone for posting It is comforting to know that I am not alone in some of the thoughts that I stumble across on occasion

Was feeling a bit down from remembering pieces of my past abysmal R/M's but realised that letting them get to me was ridiculous . They are in the past and should be allowed to moulder there, collecting dust and withering away. I am in a new place now with an M that is far better then it was, then they were or ever could've been.

Positives:

1. H has been seeking me out and asking for "kissies" before he leaves the house. I think using the term "kissies" is very sweet and endearing...I would never have believed him capable of this type of expression before

2. H continues to be appreciative and show his gratitude. I spent several HOURS last night looking for some paperwork that he needed. I tried to get him to go to bed and just let me look for them by myself but he decided to stay up until I could go to bed with him. I didn't find them until 4 am The papers were needed so we could go to Kentucky TODAY...instead of H getting upset that it took me so long to find them (old H) he THANKED me for looking so hard and said we would just go down tomorrow or Fri.

3. H and I cuddled and chit-chatted until 7 this morning. It was nice just to relax and hold each other after such a frustrating night.

4. H is using more terms of endearment. Before all he usually called me was "Bub" and on occasion "Hon". Now he says "Baby", "Honey", "Sweetie" (my fav ), "dear" etc. Bub still slips out on occasion...I told H that I didn't like being called this and he is making a fantastic effort to respect my wishes.

5. H's PMA is way up! He is less tense, smiling frequently and being very approachable.

6. I felt comfortable enough to ask H if his ILY's were sincerely meant now (this has been bugging me...I have been acting "as if" part of the time just so the possible doubt wouldn't bring me down). H didn't get frustrated or annoyed byt the q...he smiled and said "yes babe, I really, really mean it when I tell you ILY".

7. H has been planning for the future more. He is taking the time to look up costs and figuring out estimates for some of the repairs that need to be done as well as what we need to care for the horses, budgeting money for our trip to Germany, expenses involved to start up a new,SHARED hobby etc. He's not looking at things as "pipe-dreams" anymore or wishful thinking (YIPPEE!).

8. H went with me to have my EEG test done yesterday. I felt bad because it took a lot longer then it did the last time (tech was SLOW as molasses) and H had some errands he had planned on getting done. H was irritated by the length of time...but the irritation was NOT directed at ME! He came up with his OWN solution to still getting the errands done and let the irritation go. The pancakes I made him when we got home might have helped too

9. My PMA is picking up too I do have moments but they are becoming fewer and far between. I am noticing more "shift" in my attitude and outlook each day.

10. I am getting the "itch" to be creative again. Words are becoming more organized instead of me grasping at them through a jumble. An art piece that I started is taking on an urgency to get completed. I have been trying not to force my creativity because I'm generally disappointed in the work that comes out then (other's aren't but this is one area that is defitiely all about me pleasing me). The itch I'm talking about is literally that too...my hands are physically starting to itch!

I don't know if this is truly a positive or not...I guess it would depend on your viewpoint. I think I talked about my getting my DL renewed and feeling that H might have intentionally sabotaged this effort ? I found out today that H did indeed do just that. I was talking to my dad about getting ID cards and he mentioned that I probably should go get a state ID card since my DL was expired. I told him about how I thought H might have deliberately avoided taking me to get DL renewed...dad said "he did hon, he doesn't want you driving and getting hurt or hurting someone else if you have a szr...he said you were bugging him about it but he didn't want you to have it back until the Dr. says it's ok." I'm not sure whether I'm happy about H showing so much concern or frustrated by being hood-winked I think I will just pretend and act "as-if" for right now

Hugz to all,
Zoo