But, I did come to realize rather quickly, that much like (x)W, I took them for granted too over the years. All the times they'd ask me to 'fix this' or help with that, and you blow it off, as there's always tomorrow.
Life changes dramaticaly when tomorrow comes, but they are not there.
It is hard.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
My older sis feels I am not getting enough parenting time. Says I should have 4 weeks instead of 3 in summer. Says I should have a midweek sleepover. Says I should keep kids thru Monday AM. I DO have one of those 'as to the discretion of the parents' thingey in there to leave flexibility. I also know that once signed, you can't change these things.
I can see the extra week in summer. Keeping them thru Monday AM may not be practical now that I am alone and I am a physician, considering I will probably be up and out way before they leave for school, unless I had an au pair.
I also don't want to push this back to trial.
I spoke with my best buddy, 'Anthony', known to people here who have followed this for so long. He is a professional and is part owner of a large famous food company here. He gave me the 'refocus on your life and profession' speech...the 'the kids will grow up and out and you don't want to be 60 and yada yada..and what you all said, that, they will find a way to you as they get older'....
Should I push for this revision prior to signing on Thursday?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I do think that only having them for 3 weeks in the summer is unfair. Most arrangements split the summer school vacation period in half. I would petition for more time in the summer if I were you.
you can certainly petition... I know Cori's ex only gets D7 for 2 weeks time in the summer
we have primary physical custody with her mom getting 50% visitation however she sees her every 3rd weekend of the month and split holidays
we are going back to court this summer to push for supervised visits she is diagnosed unmedicated bi-polar has tested positive on all drug tests ordered by the court has swiped D7 and refused to return her has not held a job in over 3 years has filed false police reports several times refuses to bathe D& during her monthly visits the list goes on and on
our attorney says we are in for a battle
you can certainly ask for 4 weeks...what does your lawyer say?
Fig - why does your attorney say you are in for a battle? It sounds pretty cut and dry that the mother is not fit to be a responsible parent.
Frank - how much vacation do you get in the summer? My divorce judgement has both of us for 3 weeks each, but there is some stipulation about if we stay in town that it is just 2 weeks.
You should make sure there is the right of first refusal.
I agree with others - if you can peacefully coparent, I suspect your X will offer up more time with the kids so she can have more of her own adult time.
Haven't spoken much as of late, still following though.
I must tell you that the drama of your court date sure stirred up many unpleasant memories. Believe me, trial sucks!
My advice, choose the battles very carefully. I only went to trial because a precedent had already been in place as far as visitation and X wanted to change it when she saw $ signs.
Choose what you can live with as it is written with the courts. Yes, there is the probability she will soften as far as the kids go, but every time she gets a bee in her bonnet the kids will be how she attacks you. To this day it is still being pulled on me at times. I just laugh most of the time considering my youngest is going on 17. He listens to me better than his mother. HA!
Overnights during the week are nice but how much interaction do you have when they're asleep? If you're not there when they wake or leave for school is a whole lot gained in parenting vs. evenings spent?
Ask for the 4th week in the summer, it shouldn't hurt to ask. Also, first right of refusal ends up being very important in having the kids, bonus time!
What we do for holidays is Thanksgiving is with me because their mom leaves to spend it with her husbands family. Christmas eve is spent with her and Christmas day is with me. Other holidays are written in the court order but got muddled up fairly quickly and wasn't that big of an issue.
Get the kids involved with activities outside the home because these are ways you can be involved outside of the assigned parenting time.
I feel for you my friend. This will be extremely difficult for some time, but I promise it will lighten up with time.
You will make memories that no one can take away and they will be very special for you and your children, just "us" and Dad!!
Remember, it's only a chapter, you're not even near the end of this book.
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
In my opinion, if you "push" for any type of revision, the threat of going trial becomes imminent. And as your lawyer stated, it's not something that's in your best interest. I empathize with you and with your kids. However, I believe now is the time to be rational. What do you think?
The BS in NY is endless. I love this state for many reasons but I hate it for exactly this. Every aspect of getting separated or divorced is pure crap.
Hang in there and don't give up the good fight. I don't mean fight like argue, I mean pursue what you want and need.
Our case went through THREE judges. Every time my exH got pinned in a corner his attny asked for a judge change. My attny and I consented twice and the third time we said no.
Try and get more time with the kids, with a codicil for additional custody time if you change your career (which would make your available time less erratic).
Everyone shares what works and what didn't work in their posts. Find what rings true for you or piques your interest. 'Anthony' has a good point, the same way my sis-in-law used to say I didn't want to be 50 and looking for babysitters.
My kids are 24, 19 and 15 years of age, two boys and a girl. Time does go by in a flash though the footsteps may seem like drudgery at times. You all lived in a quagmire of division, yet you have flourishing relationships with both your children.
Consistency is key. As long as the kids know what to expect, they feel secure. Children model after their parents. They learn how to deal with conflict, emotions through your actions. Apparently my kids are doing very well right now with a father who is available only for holiday meals with an occasional dinner in thrown here and there. They have watched me struggle and succeed, fall on my face and keep trying.
Anyway.. while writing this I've been half listening to my daughter.. so I'm off to focus on what's important.
