My C has told me that most people in my position would have walked - actually seems somewhat amazed that I haven't. She told me early on that I needed to accept that I might come to the point where I wanted out.
Let's face it - what we're doing is HARD. What we're doing is slow in producing feeback for us, doens't provide instant gratification, rather a wealth of ambiguity.
Somewhat of a reversal in my house now - W is worried that I'm going to lose patience and just say, I can't live like this anymore.
I told her I choose every day to marry myself to her. I won't leave - we have years together to figure things out.
I think having thoughts like the one you articulated is natural, Zoo - I think it might even be an important and healthy part of of this process. Because if, at some level, proceeding with this isn't a choice, then we're just trapping ourselves out of fear or duty or adherence to our values - which, I think, leads to resentment and depression.
Our minds are showing us the choices we have, showing us the level of control that we have over our situations, and enabling us to make the hard choice, allowing us to willingly express our love and dedication.
Well, my two cents. Good morning Zoo! Wishing you a great day.
