flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

H4L, if I'm a popular girl here...does that make up for being the "wierdo" for 13 years in school?

Kalni and H4L, thanks for your comments on hope for reconciliation. You're right that it's too early to know for sure. I have looked at both of your threads early in your sitches and I see a LOT of differences...you were being confronted with very difficult things with your Hs (worse than I am right now), but your Hs also seemed to show more confusion and doubt, and be more willing to share things (meals, etc.) with you. I know I can't compare my sitch with either of yours...I know that. But I guess I've been looking for patterns, and haven't felt reassured. I know that most on this forum won't get to piecing. I am very grateful that both piecers and people on or past the D path chime into my thread...both perspectives are so valuable to me.

I still think there is a distraction involved, not necessarily a PA but something, something is off and I cant put my finger on it.

That would come as a horrible shock, but not a surprise to me. H is not a bad person, but I know that he can lie and compartmentalize.

I haven't given up on DBing, but I see it more as smoothing things for coparenting and maintaining my dignity than fighting for my M...