newmama, i have not met with a L yet, officially. I do have several lined up. From what i understand, custody for an infant is a whole different ballgame than that of children over 5? i was told infants need to bond with their mothers, especially if they are nursing them. and no judge would send an infant away on weekends, etc. not really sure H wants to be committed to the baby. Days before we filed, he was happy about going to coparenting counseling, and now this... I am not making the appointment. i do not want him around me. i do not trust him. he enclosed a letter with the D papers... and said he knows I am having a hard time, but when I am better, he would like to discuss the future of our son and that he would like to be a part of his life, if I would allow it. That is not a real man, nor a real father... he thinks this baby is a toy he can drop in on anytime he is bored. I am not having it. H is too self absorbed and into his own life, he is graduating in 2 months, has a great career lined up and as I believe OW by his side.
i met with my therapist last thursday and she also suggested I email him, a) to say one last time that I do not believe D is the answer and that i do in fact still love him and wish he would work things out with me b) to briefly go over things like taxes, the house etc. He didnt write back... instead he sent several text messages saying i didnt say this or get your information correct, he wants to continue fighting. i give up. I am not going back and forth with him and arguing or crying over him (in front of him). I am stil DBing... not to win him back as I do believe its over between us, but because I need closure and need to move on.
i need to start a new life for me and my little guy. Im tired of the drama. I get really sad... im at point where i have come to realize that its entirely too late... too much has gone on and happened in such a short two months...
i will love him the rest of my life and never ever get over what we had and what he did to me... but moreover I will remember the pain he caused me now and that seems to take over all the good memories...
