My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[nicole8]

I just spoke with Chuck....he is so great. Really understands the situation I am in and gave me great advice. He suggested that when/if my husband comes back I have some boundaries in place. In the past I have let my H come back with really no consequences. So the H knows he can come back whenever he wants I am always there waiting. He also agreed that my H is in a really confusing place right now where he doesn't know what he wants to do and he is most likely self medicating by seeing the OW. It is an escape. He also made me feel great that this really isn't about me....I already sort of knew this. He made sure to tell me that I am taking care of myself, which I am.

He said that a letter given to my husband when he returns would be a great way to express these boundaries. A written letter given to him will be easier for me. Something spoken will not come out the way that I really intend it too and I wouldn't remember everything. I think something in writting will let my H know that I am serious about what I am saying and that this is for my own self respect. Plain and simple. The boundaries are going to be that he and I will not share a bed. He needs to stop communicating with the other woman.... We cannot ignore what has happened and just go back to "normal". He and I need to have a minimum of 5 counseling sessions with a MC.

The letter will probably take a bit for me to write so I had better get going. He also suggested that I look into the divorce process in WA. Not that he wants us to end up D, but so that the process and timeline are understood. I told him I had thought of leaving some of the information about D out so my H might see it if he stopped by. Chuck said this might not be a bad idea because it might get the H thinking, "Hey she wasn't suppose to give up". Up until this point my H has thrown around thd D word and I have told him that I don't want a D or I have told him that if that is what he wants then he should file. He I believe is waiting for me to file so that I look like the bad person. Oh, really who knows what the heck he is thinking. His perspective of pretty much everything is so weird at this time I don't know what to think.

Chuck said that what I have been doing up until now is great. I am going to continue to be dim/dark and see what happens. This isn't a fast process and I am going to have to use my patience. Which I have very little of. I am a very impatient person.