I've been going through something pretty similar with my W. In my case, W had a mini breakdown a couple of weeks ago. She admitted that she used to be a rock star mom, but lately hasn't been. I think it is just part of what they have to go through.
I agree they have to feel the pain. It is too much for them to handle, though, so they run back into the tunnel. Hence the confusion. But each time they have these experiences, I think they are able to process more.
Keep strong, you're doing great.
Me: 43 W: 40 S10,S7 M12, T13+
My sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1952314&page=1
He came over, went in my D7 room with her and spilled his heart out, sobbing and all, apologizing to her...then my S5 was next. Trying to make a true commitment to them this time for night time calls and we will set a schedule.
We will see I guess? I of course ended up making dinner, not judging, being PISSED OFF, only filled with compassion for someone I am in love with that is HURTING so badly inside and won't let me near him.... So, I love him from a distance...
I still don't get it...not trying to figure it out anymore its just WOW, the changes from week to week, he can seem so Happy and Good and life couldnt be better and then this, just crying so hard can't even talk, has no idea what is going on with him, says he is a HEAD CASE right now and can't get a grip, cant understand why everything is spiraling out of control...?
I'm like, "thinking silently to myself, what you thing our Dear Lord is going to Bless You abundantly when you have done this to us, abandon us, divorcing me, etc...?" Hello! You will reap what you sow.... Sad part is he still doesn't get it. He still thinks divorcing me is going to be his solution. Another woman will make ALL THAT PAIN go away...NO WAY!
I guess it's that time when you say, I will sit back and watch him crash and burn...as I know that is where he is headed.... I will love him and pray for him... I feel so Helpless.... but I know God is in control...
I love this place. I love that I can feel something, experience something, and get on here and share.... Thank you for listening!
((R2)) Hope it didn't scare the kids to see Daddy crying!
I guess it's that time when you say, I will sit back and watch him crash and burn...as I know that is where he is headed.... I will love him and pray for him... I feel so Helpless.... but I know God is in control...
Let's hope that our H's do "crash and burn" and not stay forever in this fog!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
You sound like a very patient person to be able to keep all that in throughout such a mess of an evening. What a rollercoaster. Let's hope his crazy ride ends soon.
When you locate either one of us, you'll find the other, as well. My screen name is spelled out like it is here.
Girl, it's the MLC working on your husband..and you're doing fine; gotta let it continue...I'm hoping he sees MORE things as time goes on, coming forward as he looks deeper within at his issues.
I saw my husband get all upset, he didn't understand what was wrong with him...to some extent they DO see things are not normal, but the MLC fog is so deep, they fight having to face what they really are, shying away from the mirror of self-honesty.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and the children.
This is not an easy thing to look at..but it must be faced by him, if he is ever going to come out of it.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
My H is planning on sticking around after my Alanon meeting tonight so that we can talk about somethings re: the paperwork (D)
I had planned on asking him to please NOT have our children around any other woman before a years time as that is what we were both taught at this Divorce Class we are mandated to attend here in our State and I went so that he could file non contested.
Specifically the woman at our children's school that he has done two play dates with and with our children. This woman has a daughter that goes there as well and YES she knows we are still married. This is the one he said he was interested in, but now says he used the wrong word. Said they talked on the phone a few time ( to me there is interest there )
Regardless, I am sure if he isn't seeing her NOW, he will be...at some point and I wanted to ask him not to see her WITH our children anymore that its clearly more than a play date for our kids now....
Basically, any woman though. My children would FREAK out and this would cause some serious issues with my D7.
Am I WRONG in asking these things of him?
Yes, I am asking them for my children. He knows how broken my D7 is right now with regard to his absence etc and was here last night as I mentioned above crying to her about how sorry he was and he was going to make it right...I think in his mind he needs to at least succeed at being a good Daddy...
He hasn't brought up the paperwork again at all and I think its only because I had family in town., I figure if he is gonna file, he is gonna file so why fight it. Its not in my heart to battle it out with him. I don't believe this is what he really wants but I know it's what he thinks he wants and what will make it all better for him.
I had planned on asking him to please NOT have our children around any other woman before a years time
You can ask but you should not expect that he will comply. This is not something that you can control.
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He hasn't brought up the paperwork again at all and I think its only because I had family in town.
Remember that depression is the key to MLC and sometimes the depression will not let them do what you think should be so easy. It does not make them speak the truth or do anything that others would think as "normal". That is why the detach is so critical. Try to stay out of his drama. I know with kids it is hard but don't use the kids as a wedge to try to control your H. That will backfire.
I don't know what you mean to use them to control him? I have not been controlling since he left us in Dec, I have only been respectful and understanding...when I should be a raging lunatic of a wife... !!! But I am not...
I don't control him. Up until this past week, I have handled my D7 on my own, with the heartache, tears etc..and it just got to a point that she said something to him on the phone and it went from there.
I have been keeping it all FROM HIM to allow HIM HIS SPACE and TIME to go through this MLC or whatever and I have handled everything....while he has DONE NOTHING for the children.
I love him, but I get it, he doesnt love me anymore, whatever... I can only let go of him and pray for him and I would much rather him be healed of this pain than for him to come back to me...
That, however, does not mean I am o.k. with him bringing other woman around my children. As close as we were as a family and inseparable as we were, my children are too young and they would not understand this.
To this day I still have issues with my own mother who introduced me to her then boyfriend she left my father for and I was 5 and my sister was 7. I am almost 40 and still remember it like it was yesterday. My Father, however, only allowed us to meet my now stepparent after 2 years of seeing her and he knew he would marry her before he introduced us to her, I was then 7 and my sister 9.
I have been there. So has he.... His mother married 5 times and he had 6 Dads by the time he was a teenager...
My screen name is spelled out like it is here.
