I confronted my husband and I did tell my children that he was having an affair. So I am not completely non-confrontational. But that is not the same as showing up at the OP's place of business and confronting publicly, which I have seen advised here.
What bothers me most about the advise is not that it is suggested. It is the insistence. We have different situations. Each person needs to weigh his/her options in light of his own situation. Yet there is browbeating on the boards, insisting that people do it the way of the determined posters. Many times even when the spouse has moved out of the house and filed for divorce already.
And the lack of willingness to move beyond the crisis. People cannot continue to live in crisis mode. But posters on the board insist that the spouse cannot be trusted. Nothing the spouse says can possibly be true. Distrust is a terrible thing and it will erode the marriage making it an unhappy place whether there is active infidelity or not. There are an endless number of OP's out there. If the marriage is unhappy, the spouse can find someone else. Isn't that why there was a crisis in the first place? So you might have successfully busted affair #1. Affair #2 will be right behind it if you don't get busy fixing the marriage.
