How do I act?

[Cautious]

meghunny, only YOU know when you're done. I've thought about giving up a million times, only to be hit by a second, third, and fourth wind. Sometimes you need a break from the pain... that's what GAL is for.

Some people will tell you to give up, but I won't. And maybe I'm the one on the wrong side. Only you know for sure. But I believe that marriage is forever, my vows are forever, despite what others are telling me right now. I'm doing the same thing the Ex is: surrounding myself with people who support my decisions, and ignoring the ones who don't. Because it's MY choice. And it's YOUR choice. You get to decide whether you are going to ride out this storm or not. It's possible, but it's going to take TIME. And with your own deployment clock ticking, you're not seeing that bigger picture.

Let me put it like this: you already said you don't like who your ex is turning into. He didn't get that way overnight. He's going to do a lot more things that are going to make you completely furious. But, if you're staying in this, you're going to have to forgive him for those things or you'll have a half-relationship instead of a real, deep, meaningful one. If you get to the point where you know you'll never forgive him for X, Y, or Z, you're at the point you know it's done. I've been asked to forgive some pretty dispicable things lately, but I've done some things I'm definitely not proud of too - neither of us are perfect. So I'm still traveling that path of forgiveness, but I'm not going to keep being a doormat or an enabler.

The reason I mentioned the cruise is because, by being home when he gets back, you are giving him POWER over you, in your current emotional state. He knows which buttons to press, you still want to be completely honest with him - you want him to KNOW that he hurt you. He's found a way to block that pain out of his head, though, so repeating those thoughts are going to do no good. I think being away would be just the radical change in behavior that says to him that you don't depend on him to have a good time, you're going to be okay with or without him (though it would be nice if he were with you), and you're going to get through this on YOUR terms rather than his. Again, the choice is yours.

What you said to him... ugh, we all wish we had time machines sometimes, don't we? But it's not a total loss, just avoid conversations like that in the future. You're only giving him POWER over you. I'm glad your DR is helping you get some sleep because sleep deprivation only adds to depression when you're already in it. Once you start eating and sleeping well, life gets easier, I promise.

And, one more fact for you to chew on: It takes about 3 years fully recover from a divorce, which is probably why it takes so long to DB in some cases. You have to go through your stages and H has to go through his, so you can both come out the other side healed and whole.