There is a current on this board to use extreme measures to "affair bust" as opposed to the "divorce busting", the name of Michele Weiner Davis' book. The opinions are those of the people posting. Have those people successfully navigated their own marital problems? Who knows? We're not privy to that information. I have been through infidelity problems in my marriage, and my H and I have successfully reconciled. As a fully reconciled, happily married person, I have some advice for those coming here seeking advice while facing a severe marital crisis. BEWARE of free information. It is worth what you pay for it! (And maybe not that much.)
Marriage is a voluntary relationship. People stay with their spouses because they want to. Just because you say she is "your wife" does not make her your property, like your car, or your dog.
I cannot believe that the advice given on this board, which is devoted to healing marriages, is to use surveillance on spouses, embarrass them publicly, and distrust everything they do and say. And be sure to withhold all kind words and gestures.
The cornerstones of marriage are love, trust, commitment, and forgiveness. Without all four of those attributes, marriages fail. You cannot rebuild your marriage on distrust, grudge holding, and silence.
Consider carefully before taking anyone's advice. You will be the one to live with the consequences, not the anonymous poster on a bulletin board who insisted that you live your life his way!
