There is another way of looking at it. Your wife feels bullied. So she is pushing back. First, to show you what it feels like, and secondly, just in case it is worth doing.
I have tried to make the point before that marriage is a voluntary relationship. People stay with their spouses because they want to. Just because you say she is "your wife" does not make her your property, like your car or your dog. When she decides that life with you is not in her best interest she will look for better options.
My opinion is that she was not looking for an affair when she started talking to this other guy. She may not have exercised adequate caution, and she did get hung up on him. But he did not want to get romantically involved with her, so it is over. However, if you keep treating her like she is your child, who you can make rules for and keep in a cage, you will now lose her. You haven't lost her yet. But if you continue these strong-arm tactics, you will.
I cannot believe that the advice given on this board which is devoted to healing marriages is to use surveillance on spouses, embarrass them publicly, and distrust everything they do and say. And withhold all kind words and gestures.
The cornerstones of marriage are love, trust, commitment, and forgiveness. Without all four of those attributes, marriages fail. You cannot rebuild your marriage on distrust, grudge holding, and silence. Anyone who advises you to do so is not doing you any favors.
