Acceptable contact while GD?

[SweetCyborg]

Not going great. Broke down and sent one long email that was sad and not very strong, and one phone call with tears on both ends that was sweet and sad for both. I guess not horrible considering it's been a month and that's the only 'non-practical' communication. The GD for at least 3+ weeks seemingly had no effect.

Still reeling, anxious, feel a little set-back from the stronger, GAL, and taking care of myself from the first two weeks. Guh.

Back to GD for now. She seems to be moving ahead with finding a lawyer (says her mom, who is friendly to me), and friends say she's a 'wreck'. I feel like we should 'talk' about what's happened, why, what's next, but I guess neither of us are really ready.

I've been focusing on reading about her BPD (borderline personality disorder), and how she's unable to feel the same way non-BPD people feel. My therapist also suggested she was never able to 'attach' they way I did.

I want to send her Michelle's should I get divorced quiz, and the first chapter of DR, but I don't think it would do much good, and I'm not sure it's best for me to be with someone who can't care about me as much as I do them, although I know she cares/cared in her own way (with her being first).

She's not a 'strong' woman with a plan who is happy with her decision and hopeful for the future, she's not dating and not talking to OM from what friends tell me. She was just fed up with the unpredictability of fights and my bringing up the EA/PA from time to time, she still works with OM and refused to quit which made it hard for me to be completely trusting.

I'm waiting for the day to come that I will feel better and say OK, moving on now. Guess I over-identified with the marriage. I mostly don't feel like I have much motivation to take care of myself, but there are a few bursts of cleaning, writing music, working on my book, exercise, and focus at work.

Aren't you glad you asked?