How do I act?

[Surviving03]

i went to the doctor today, he put me on some sleeping pills, he said he is hesitant to put me on anti depressants or anything right now but to try the sleeping pills first. I am hoping i can actually get some much needed rest tonight. I made a back step today, when i was talking to my H today on facebook, i was getting to a point where i wanted to say to him look i give up, i cant do this anymore, but i was scared to say it so i kept saying dumb little things... like i need to talk to you about stuff, he said what stuff, i said some decisions i have made... and he said about what... and i said i dont know nevermind, and he said well then you havent made any decisions. I said look, i love you but i HAVE to start loving myself more, i am not well, i am not healthy... he drilled me about what i meant with that, i said i cant sleep, i cant eat and its to a point where i cant deal with it without medication.. then he said you know i told you when i did so that you could go be with your family so this would be easier....then i said well arent you considerate, i gotta go i got a doc appt...so i get back on a few hours later and he is on and says how was the doc appt and what was it for? i said "fine" he asked do you not want to talk, i said not really and he said thats fine and logged off.... i am messing up big time arent i?? I was trying to get up the courage to say look, i know you arent going to try with this marriage at all and i dont deserve this and i have to take care of myself... but all that came out instead.... i want to give up... but of course i dont want to give up... i want to give up for myself because this whole thing is making me not healthy and just sick all the time... i feel like im torturing myself and he has NO intentions of ever changing his mind.... but on the same note, i dont want to give up too early and there could have been a chance... ughhh i hate this! I want to give it to God and just trust that He will take care of this and take care of me... but I just dont know... the doctor i went to is really religious and he was telling me that getting married is the joining of two flesh, and divorce is like ripping those two flesh's apart... and man thats exactly what it feels like... except it doesnt seem to hurt one side of that flesh... only my side is experiencing all the pain. He said a prayer for me, and for my H to have a change of heart and see that D is not the answer, then he asked me if my H would want to come talk to him but i HIGHLY doubt it. When do i give up?? when do i walk away?? when do I choose ME? and will i regret walking away? i have two more days before i have to face this in reality... no more emails.... pray for me