She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

tbart01,

You wrote "My W has stripped these abilities from me with the state she's put me in."

She didn't strip you of anything. You're actually stripping yourself of these things, which is understandable under the conditions you find yourself in. The desperation, hopelessness and powerlessness are all part of the process we go through. You need to understand you are giving her the power over you. Our suffering comes from playing the victim as if someone else actually has power over us.

You made a mistake calling her about the Facebook message. Ask yourself this - Why did you need to know? Would it actually change anything in the situation by knowing the answer? You think the worst, she gives you an answer that is not the worst case scenario, but I'll wager good money your mind is now in the loop wondering if she is actually telling the truth. This will now swirl in your head like the question you had before you called her. You can't escape this mental masturbation by chasing down every detail of her life.

I understand the compulsion to know - it's a control mechanism. We somehow believe if we know the "total truth" then and only then can we fix it. You can't fix anything except yourself.

The hardest thing someone needs to do (I know this from my own situation) is to detach. Detachment has a mind of its own, but until it hits you, you have to fake it. Keep her out of your head - easier said than done but it's THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO!

I can't say this enough, and it was drilled into my head on a daily basis on these boards.

DETACH
DETACH
DETACH

The last thing a WAS wants is to be questioned about their lives, their motives, their thoughts, their feelings, etc... It pushes them away because they get the same feelings that put you two in this position.

You have no control. You have to let her be and 'let her go' so to speak. Focus on you and let her do her thing. Don't read into anything.

I know this all easier said then done, but it's necessary and you're only hope of changing the 'seemingly apparent' course you are on.

Sometimes backwards is forward.