Well, NC ended. H texted me today and asked if we "seriously" spent nearly $10K on medical bills for D16's surgery and D13's ER visit (As if I'm laundering money through the local Children's hospital??).......so he's been looking at the banking account on-line. Will not speculate why....but the answer was yes. We have a huge deductible, and that is what I was billed. I have since received a refund for part of it, so insurance must have reconsidered something----but I have not had the time to sit down and study what was happening. I've just been happy to stay current, get the bills paid on time and do everything else. I answered the questions that were asked of me, nothing more.
H came to get S11 for BB practice. D13 asked if she could go too and maybe get some pitching time in-----she's trying to show him that she CAN do track and pitch (hurray for her!) Unfortunately, that just means I don't get her here during BB practice, so I'm alone already. H brought me his W-2 and the other thing I needed for the taxes (Finally!)---so I didn't have to ask a 3rd time.
Will see what kind of reaction there is when he finds out D13 went to track tonight..........
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I did some reading of the archives last night. In particular, I read a post about reconnecting (Snodderly, I believe). Although I know it's not healthy to speculate, but I wonder if his offers to give me rides in the snow, shovel my(our) drive, and help clean up after my pipe burst were baby steps......that I denied in an effort to be detached......I wonder how long I will continue to second guess myself and how I've handled all of this. Hopefully not 12 more years.....I also read in the archives that on average it takes about half the time you've been with your spouse to "get over" and heal from the pain of the loss of your marriage. I will stop beating myself up on how long it is taking me, however.
I read some of my old threads, and know that I have come a long way in some respects....stuck on other issues, but I feel like overall I am in a better place. I know that I can do THIS. I know that my future is MINE and I will own that. I also know that I have a lot of work to do, but will let myself do the work, make mistakes and keep learning.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Somewhere I read that it is a month for every year that you are together. I suppose in my case that is about right(counting from the time of the divorce). The other relationship if we want to give it that much weight, started 4 years ago next month. I found about it 4 years ago this June. We have been divorced 19 months almost and we were married that long.
It isn't that I didn't feel better before now just that in this past month or so, I have been letting go of the physical remnants he left behind. I am sure I will find more and will need to pass them on.
Don't think about a time line. Everyone is different but don't be surprised that it does take time. Hang in there.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I've been really focussing on detaching...........have been NOT answering H's texts----if a specific question is not asked, which has provided me with some laughs.....because when I don't answer HIM not much time goes by before he sends a text asking "did you get my text?" When I do answer, it's just the facts...so last night when he told me he would drop D13's glove off at my van---because he was on his way to go "get the brakes checked out on his truck - they're shot," I replied "thanks," but didn't ask about his truck....nor do I care.............I am taking baby steps....finally! (AND yes, I do know that I didn't have to reply "thanks," but I knew if I didn't I would be getting another text asking if I got the text telling me he was dropping off the glove....and I was done exchanging texts for the day!)
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I haven't heard from Lisa. I emailed her 10 days ago. If she doesn't intend to reply, would you let me know? .........
I forwarded it to "Lisa"----my L. My first reaction was "why do you think you can refer to my L by her first name?? Then it was "you idiot - she replied within 30 minutes of your e-mail." I forwarded the e-mail to "Lisa" with no response to H.
I don't know, I guess part of me was beginning to believe that when she responded in the way that she did that he began to have second thoughts. Another part of me was hoping that they were corresponding with me out of the loop----because I DO NOT want copied on all of their e-mails. In any case, I didn't have my hopes up----I have been focussing on being detached, but I was wondering.
Yesterday morning H sent me a text: "Do you need to get out/shoveled?" We had another 6 inches of snow for our first day of spring. I did answer: "I got out ok."
I still wish I could understand.........
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
You will never truly understand the workings of a mlc mind. One minute they are one way, the next, something different and it's all because of the emotional swings.
Keep focusing on you....
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
