Hi guys and girls!! Rob, what a pleasant surprise!
Yeah, I know that quote, I lived by it many many years. It works like that especially with sex, the person with the lowest drive, determines the frequency etc etc
BUT, I dont want to control our R. I thought I was (not intentionally) for years and look where I am.
I know what I feel is normal. I remember Ali telling me the same thing months ago when she and BF were getting really close, she was feeling this anger creeping in trying to figure out why all this had happened...
I talked to him last night a bit on the phone. He opens up more on the phone. I read somewhere it is standard for "avoiders" (sp), makes it easier on them. I have no problem with that. I think if we can start on the phone we can take it to an eye to eye basis soon.
There is something different I cant pin point. He FEELS more...into me. It's not so much what he does, it's how he sounds, etc etc He said he noticed I was feeling really bad during the weekend and I was with the kids so I said I will send you an email. I did. All my dark thoughts written as politely I could, the email was waiting on my PC for 24 anyway, since Sun night. He said "why didnt you talk to me?" I told him I didnt want to risk the progress we are making because I know he prefers to avoid all difficult discussions. He said he understood that but I should keep in mind that BECAUSE of the progress we both feel we are making, I should give him some credit that he will be willing to talk more and listen more. I thought that was important and that my/your idea of making our interactions safe and then opening up, may be working. Right now consistency is the magic word.
The email wasnt nice. And it was about my feelings, not looking for decisions or anything. Just my feelings and my thoughts. I know he is probably upset now, he came in and I faked sleeping just to allow him some room to breathe and not feel attacked by me. My plan for today is to be calm and sweet, just to show him that I dont want to allow the negatives to affect our process of "piecing".
This is all a mind game. Approximately a month ago I shifted my way of thinking. The impact was huge. Maybe the timing is right (although I have experienced this many times through our 3 year saga, even at the darkest hours), but how I color things, is the way things are. Positive thinking has been my weak point all these years and it feels as this is the final test for me. It's not easy, but it is possible, it doenst come naturally to me, but I think it is worth it. K
