Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Until Thursday we will haggle over splitting the HELOC. On Thursday, in open court, I must renounce my claim of Cruel and Inhuman and STBXW must do the same (the wonderful State of NY). In court, she must say she begged me for sex for 12 months and I didn't give it to her. I must do the same. Now THAT will be a scene.
Sorry Frank, WTH is THAT? I mean, this is a joke right?
Anyway, although I dont understand much of your legal system, what I read, doenst sound very very bad. It is horrible for a parent that never chose to be without his kids, but this is what divorce is about. Also, IMHO, I dont know why, I get this feeling that later on, your wife will be "needing more free time for herself" and you will get more time with your kids...
S'agapo Frank, get your life back my friend. Enough with being hostage to that lunatic. K
You have GOT to stick around. You need to report about your dating stories, we will all look out for you, dont want you to get stuck to a whack job again ...
This is enough to cause one to become an activist in changing the ridiculous family law in New York (and other places I imagine).
I can almost feel the battle within you. An incredible anticipation for freedom from the oppression you have been under, while at the same time the intense sadness of not having your children with you each day. Know that we empathize with you on this.
I will actually hope, with others, that XXX will find herself eager as time goes by to allow the children to spend more time with you. Perhaps when she no longer needs to put on a show for the legal proceedings, she will return to her self-indulgent ways, and find that things would be better for her if she let the children stay with you more often. I suppose it's not so nice to wish that upon her, but I hate the thought of you only having 2-3 nights every couple of weeks with you little ones.
As for the rest, does it sound like you've made out reasonably ok? I get that sense, but I'm not sure. Divorce is always messy and always costly.
Haven't heard more recently about future possibilities. Are those still on the horizon? I'm hoping so. Perhaps that will make it easier to get more time with your children.
In the end, the relief of finally beginning your new life will hopefully be like the proverbial breath of fresh air. You have labored through one of the most horrific co-habitational situations that I can ever recall reading on this board. You've managed to navigate your way through this with dignity, grace, and honor, all the while choosing to be the better person.
I will echo Kalni and tell you that I am not willing to lose the friendship that we have made, even if it has been electronic only to this point. You were not only a rock for your children through your personal situation. You have been a rock for many through this site. I completely understand the need for a time of healing, and can appreciate that this place might be too stark a reminder of the last several years. At the same time, you have and may continue to serve as an invaluable help to others going through similar circumstances.
And on a selfish note, I would hate the thought of losing touch with a valued friend.
To the end game Frank.
You have perservered and risen above the chaos, emerging not just intact, but better than you were before.
You have epitomized our call of "strength and honor."
To new beginnings...
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
GM all. Realistically, after we split, it WILL be difficult with my job time-wise during the week. If I have to be up at 5 AM to go to work, I would need someone to live in once a week to get them on the school bus.
I spoke with my sis who suggested that perhaps more equally splitting summer (4 weeks instead of 3) could add more time. I only have until Thursday to finalize this. Once signed, it goes into effect. Legally it can't be challenged until the final decree comes out.
I am at odds about somethings, but, dragging this out longer??? I think not.
I need to come up with a schedule of things that I want to keep in the house next.
If anyone has any thoughts about schedules, odd/even re kids ages and she wants Xmas holiday split, first half/second half and rotated every year.
To Donna_Found: I am on the other book of faces place
To Gypsy...thanks for your support. Moles can be removed under local as an outpatient.
Finally...to my men.....how did you process this? How? How do you process not saying goodnight to your kids every night? Waking up alone without the cartoons on? Hmmm...they grow up and don't want to be with you over their friends...
I guess...you just do what 'men' have to do and refocus, again, on self and career?
I have to process this. I can see it's going to be rough for me initially.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I used to tell my girls stories before bed every night.
When we separated, they would ask for stories here before bed. For some reason, my creativity was gone. Since they are sleeping in the same room at my place -- instead of having their own rooms -- I replaced the stories with a good night prayer. They both get to add something to the prayer.
I'm not yet divorced, but I've been out of the house 10 months. It was such a shock that I really barely got anything done beyond the bare basics for six months.
It took a while to just get used to things and then I had to find projects to motivate me.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Bill and Kalni...we posted nearly at the same time.
I posted to Kalni the other day that perhaps it was better for me not to comment right now. I seem to misinterpret what I am reading and, it's probably best for her to follow what others are posting right now rather than what I have to say.
As usual, Bill, you have a wonderful way of expressing what is on your mind. We have known each other now for a long time, electronic and by voice. I recall all the pain you were in. I recall the story of the vines in your backyard. Yet...I also know the rebirth that occurred for you and the good fortune of finding Deb.
My son will be crushed by this initially. My daughter is tough and, G-d bless her, I think she will weather this fine. I left at 6AM..kissed both of them on the forehead. My son woke briefly and said "I love you dad." He has his first baseball practice today.
It's all about them now. I will not miss STBXW. She's done her work well. Reality is setting in and I will miss my kids terribly. I may need to be alone to ponder this. I know that, thru this all, I've been able to compartmentalize this..to be able to get the divorce work done...to focus on patients and operating...to be strong for them. But, now, I guess, the jack-in-the-box door has flipped open and the evil figure has popped out to take my kids from me. I am flooded with feelings of loss for my kids.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Clinging....I am touched by your story and I can 'reach'. The courts decide what is best for our children.
There are many men out there that shirk their responsibilities, that, I think, makes it much rougher for the real dads out there...like you Clinging....that truly love and are invested in their children. All I can say to you, is, that, find comfort in knowing that THOSE moments are the ones that they will remember and tell THEIR kids someday.
Yesterday, my attorney told me, that in front of the judge, STBXW's atty and the law guardian, that she professed that I was one of the most wonderful fathers that she has had and that he is truly man who wants time with his children. I got choked up and hugged her. It doesn't make much nevermind at the end of all this, but, I am fortunate that I had her thru this crisis.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Hey FIB, this is a tough one. It actually makes some anger resurface. It is probably the most difficult part in all of this. Humans do possess this uncanny ability to adapt. I have adapted to things I would never have thought possible. I guess the first step is to accept that this is happening and that it is not our doing. Some days were and still are tougher than others. Just writing this is stirring some emotions. The XW has "forced" me to leave my home and my child. On the positive side, I see her every weekend. I make the most of our time together and I think it is my "duty" to show her that dad is there for her no matter where she might be sleeping. I figured out a long time ago that children are probably more affected by how their parents react to certain situations than the situation itself. So in conclusion FIB, I will not lie to you. You will have some difficult days. It will be up to you to decide whether you let yourself be drawn down and become a victim or rise above it and take the positive (however small it might be) from the situation. The possibilities are endless...find some activities that you always wanted to do but could not and go for it.
