OK, someone tell me if this wasn't one of my smarter moments
Scenario: Sat was my B'day as ya'all know. I didn't expect H to get me anything becasue money has been pretty tight lately. NO big deal I did expect H to spend quality time with me though...it was part of one of our convo's the past week I was doing a 180 here...usually I make my B'day as insignificant as possible...I have even been known to spend B'day money on H instead of myself a time or two
I already described the type of weekend it was in my reply to Pam
H asked me what I wanted for my B'day/X-mas present. I told him I didn't feel right telling him what I wanted because it was something i had hope he would figure out on his own. H laughed and asked me what it was. I told him a WEDDING RING...but only of the meaning behind it was genuine H smiled and said OK, not a problem.
Was I wrong in telling him this is what I wanted? H is one of those men who, if you don't hand them a list, will just buy themselves something instead because they feel it is to hard to figure out what their W wants all on their own
Just curious if I should change this to the set of ALL-CLAD pots and pans I've been craving or leave it the way it is. the ring WOULD be cheaper!!
Thanks, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
I have all clad pots and pans, and they are wonderful...but go for what you really want! The ring! Why not ask for what you want? Just keep your expectations low...if he doesn't get you the ring, at least you voiced your want and he now knows that is something you want! And if you get it...wooohoooo!
Pretty much sounds like normal life but wish it had been a bit better for your birthday.
Well, it sounds like he genuinely wanted to know what you wanted and if he prefers that to trying to figure out what you want I think you did the right thing.
Better than getting upset if they do the wrong thing because we expect them to mind read!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I don't think you were wrong at all to tell him. You're giving him information about how to love you. That's just good communication! It's good for both of you.
Hi Zoo, I think it was FINE for you to tell H what you wanted too. He is showing that he cares and that he wants to please you by getting you something that you want and not something un-romantic like pots!
Okay, I'm joining the chorus of "you did the right thing" here, Zoo.
He asked...you told him...perfect communication. It's the kind of thing CJ would just LOVE.
Sure he's bought spontaneous gifts (an antique pin for our one month anniversary...of dating!!!) and great cards...but that was AGES ago (flowers not withstanding).
So, yeah, it would be IDEAL if they just figured out what would make us happy and bought/did it...but this is the REAL world and it doesn't always happen that way!!!
My take as a guy.... Tell him what you want! Don't build expectations though.
It's awful to rack your brain, trying to find the right gift, only to have it end up being a bad choice. It's a horrid feeling.
Sometimes, it's easy to think of 100 things for someone. But for those times when you're drawing a blank, having an idea of that they'd like is "priceless".
I do not believe I have not posted to one of your thread before but I have followed them from time to time and have received a lot of good advice and encouragement from the responses to your thread and from your responses to other threads and just wanted to say thank you. Also, I do not know where you got your handle "Zoo" if it is because you like the Zoo, work in the Zoo or something entirely unrelated to the Zoo but as a point of interest, this last Sunday, I took my Ex-W to the Zoo on a date and had a great time. She said seeing some of the animals "just made my day" When I first thought of asking her to go to the Zoo with me and since then I have been thinking of you and my other friends on the BB. Again, Thanks.
And, I agree with CHL, as a man, I like to hear what Spouse wants.
Thank you everyone for the reassurances and belated B'day wishes!
Pam Yes, I realize that waiting for H to "mind-read" is definitely not the answer I did that the first year we were together...and all I got that year was a VHS Movie! It was the only thing I had mentioned wanting H saw the disappointment when I opened the box and felt pretty bad. From then on he started asking for a list
alaskangal,Kharvey : I will still end up with one or two pots I'm sure NOw that would be just too awesome...All-Clad and a new RING!!!!
BillM,Shiny : Commununication...yeah,OK, that's what it is... Sreiously though, we are slowly getting better at it Makes for some really tense moments for me but it does end up having it's rewards
Mr. Cool : Hope you don't mind my adopting the nick Shiny dubbed you with I am keeping my expectations low on this one...not because I don't think H will get me the ring but more to keep the possibility of disappointment at bay (does that make sense?). This is the first time I have asked for something really extravagant that does NOT pertain to my passion for cooking (nor his passion for EATING ). I do think that my request was a bit disconcerting for him since I am a professed "non-jewelry" person...I just hope he remembers that I HATE diamonds...
Ogda Thank you so much for posting to my thread:)! I often read your posts as well and find them inciteful as I do many of the men's posts
The nick "Zoo" was given to me by my brother We use to rent a house together and I had quite a large number and variety of pets. B would go looking for something to eat in the fridge or whatever and find NOTHING but food for the animals most of the time He said it was like living in a zoo! When we got a comp he insisted that be part of my "handle". The nick stuck and now a great many people just call me that all of the time both on and off-line
All is going pretty well so far this week...there is much less tension in the air on my part so H seems more relaxed Yeah, I know most of it was all me last week I'm a Scorpio...what can I say
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
I did expect H to spend quality time with me though...it was part of one of our convo's the past week 
H smiled and said OK, not a problem.
