HeartsBlessing - thank you for your post and you didn't confuse me at all - MLC confuses me sometimes but your post help me enormously to realise that I wasn't going completely bonkers.
The human spirit is an amazing thing and you seem to have weathered the emotional rollercoaster of not one but two MLC's and are still smiling and standing face o the sun to tell the tale.
I hear you on that one. I sometimes feel as though I weathered quite a storm by going through his, then mine; but all things happen for a reason, and honestly; time DOES heal all wounds, regardless of how it all comes out. Memories do fade; and I was surprised at how quickly they did on me. All I retained were some "key" things out of this, mainly associated with the lessons I learned, even though I forgave all that was done to me. Because, if I forget what was done; I would forget the lesson learned; repeating the mistake at a later time, if that makes sense. I can see that from where I stand now. I never got total understanding for EVERYTHING that happened, but I can live with that, and did let it all go in time.
I do NOT live in the past, but live within the future, having learned also, the past has contributed to what I became..and that was a much better person than I was before. So, I'm VERY thankful for what I endured.
The only other reason I sometimes remember certain things is for "help" purposes, and then it is gone once again..back into whatever corner of my mind that it resides in The memories do not torment me at all, I accepted all these things long ago, integrating them into my life.
Life is always fraught with problems, but I feel I gained through both storms, the necessary tools to cope and deal with whatever life throws at me. It was a hard struggle, but I made it through.
And you will, too.
To me, NO ONE fails; this is not a test where you score based on how well you do. I see NO ONE as a failure, regardless of how it all comes out... the journey within to find YOU must be taken by all people, at their own pace; sometimes it is long and arduous, but worth every minute spent growing into what we are meant to be.
And, you know, I have found the growing really doesn't stop; it continues in many aspects. I found, back then, that while helping others helped me to heal, I learned just as much from them, as they did from me.
In time, the Lord healed me of all the pain from both my childhood, and marriage; and so on I go, by the Grace of God.
During my own journey, I found that ALL things come from within; we really do not need others to tell us we are doing well; you gain enough confidence within yourself to know how you are; personal happiness, self affirmation, self confidence and self esteem are not "arrogance"; these things are good when we learn to build them within ourselves.
It's OK, when you have great confidence and faith in yourself; you need those tools to learn to cope and deal in this world. We cannot and should not get them from any one person; we need to learn to know ourselves and our limitations; drawing boundaries when needed to protect ourselves.
There will come a time when boundaries are needed, and only YOU will know when to apply them..and when that time will be.
For now, it is enough to understand that the only person you can control in this life is YOU, not other people...this is the HARDEST lesson to learn in life.
I do alot of counseling in 3-D; and teach these same lessons to others; in other situations; most situations I encounter nowadays, have nothing to do with MLC.
Yet, I drive a truck for a living, LOL!!
Remember to try and separate the behavior from the person, that will help you to have a lot more compassion for him, Lalxx.
I remember having a hard time doing that, but when I finally accomplished that, I was more able to be compassionate toward him, although he was suspicious of me for awhile.
Blessings to you, Lalxx, may God continue to be with you and your husband as this is navigated, and regardless of how it comes out; know you will NOT fail; more will be gained out of this trial than you know.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
