JR, I've been away from the board for a long time...and have a lot of new stuff going on...but thought I would come by today and see how you're doing...Michelle has already said a lot of what I was thinking as I read through your posts and through your summaries of the conversations you've had with your W. One thing that I think you need to remember, though, and this is the big risk one can take with DB, is that you should also believe and live as though it would be her loss to be without you. Sometimes love, despite our best efforts to temper it's impulses, just makes us seem needy and clingy - and the combination of those two things are just a death knoll for a relationship...
What also struck me while reading your posts, is that it feels like you still believe that what your wife is going through is connected directly to you - her words, though, and her fears, make it seem like there's something else going on here for her - perhaps something deeper - that only she can work out for herself. I do feel like you need to get more assertive - but not for her - or for her to see it in any way - but for you - and for you to know that you'll be okay no matter what happens. That's one of the toughest lessons I had to learn through all of this - that I had to better myself and my life - for me - not for her - and for my children (by focusing on me first, in a healthy, generous, non-self-serving way). It helps you let go in a way that may seem impossible at times - especially when you are counting each month of your separating - and those months string together like a rope that holds you fixed in place.
I think you have to start doing things for you - and in so far as you do them for you, for your children. Don't think of your W as having let her go completely, but do put your energy more into rebuilding what you have to offer. I know you've already done a ton of that work - and that you've had some very serious obstacles to work through - but I also know that you are an incredibly strong, good man - and you deserve to value yourself more than your words let on at times.
Not only do I think you should pull back - I think you should open your mind up to climbing a mountain - just for you - just to know that you've done it - even if no one else is around to see it.
Also...as Michelle mention...you don't have to believe all that she said - since the questions you asked were inevitably going to get that type of response...Words like that, words that make people self conscious - or make people think about things they're not fully in control of - tend to make people push away the person that asks those types of questions...it's fear...and fear just has a way of complicating relationships whether you're the one clinging to a hope, or hiding in the trees.
Hope that makes some sense...I got home late today...and am dealing with a ton of paperwork at the moment...my STBX has filed papers trying to seek full custody and accusing me of being a neglectful father...so that's got me busy.
