I understand, but as Jack said...so wrong. Let's look at things..
A few weeks you talked with friends....came back in a bad mood
Got back on track
then talked with attorney...came back in a bad mood
Got back on track this weekend
Talked with attorney again....now you are back in a bad mood.
Reminds me of a golf story. A golf pro asked his students what they wanted to learn. They replied "to be consistent". He replied "Then you have no problem....you are consistently inconsistent". Think about it for a second. Then apply that to the time line above. You see what works (shutting up and focusing on you) and then consistently do what doesn't work (Opening you mouth and listening to others).
Guys cut me a little slack. I am simply a little pissed off. I am not giving up. I simply am venting here as opposed to venting at home and at her. I still do understand her and trust me I am doing my best to understand that my wife is sleeping with another man. I am still working on detaching and on being the best man I can be but shite when u feel like u will end up with the short end of the stick I think ur entitled to a bad day. The picture on the punching bag was intended to be a joke. Sorry I forgot the smiley face. I have a ton on my plate right now and I'm doing my best. I have to go home every day and smile with my kids and also at my wife knowing that she has given herself to another man - it is tough but I'm pressing on. I am pressing on. One step at a time wit one foot forward.
As I said ealier I believe at that I will need to confront at some point but will wait until I know it is time. In the interium I stand and try to enjoy my little girl who could be ripped from my life. I am trying I am trying.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I am not going to say I know how you feel becuase I dont.....my husband lives with other woman, but far far away and I believe God planned that out because he knew I couldnt handle it any other way..meeting into them here would of been a big mess......I dont know how you can stand so strong in your situation.....how you must love them both......I pray God can give you the strength that you need....I have been having a difficult day today, I always do when my daughter tells me she has spoken to him and he asks nothing about me. I have faith that God is bringing him home one day.....I live with expectancy everyday, waiting on God, and praying....hang in there and stay on your knees he does make it better.....have bad days still but I know all I have to do is pray and he gives me rest...vaya con dios Irma
I keep going back to some of Jack's posts and I believe it to.
I haven't read all of your thread, but my wife had sex before we were married, for one.
Two AND THIS IS HUGE...IT ISN'T A TRUE RELATIONSHIP,it's a fix, seperate the person from the behavior, seperate the person from the behavior, you know by now this isn't the wife you married.
AND LIKE MOST OF US,even though we know our spouses are flipping nuts, we had probably the best relationships with them, that they'll ever know.
As I said ealier I believe at that I will need to confront at some point but will wait until I know it is time.
There will be a time for that....but she already knows you know. So the confrontation has actually already started.
Quote:
I am doing my best to understand that my wife is sleeping with another man.
This one is going to kill you...seriously! How does her actions really affect you as an individual? Really think about it....Does those actions really hurt you? Or are they hurting her more?
Will you let some one else control how YOU grow?
Think about that...rise above......this is a two step day.
There will be a time for that....but she already knows you know. So the confrontation has actually already started.
Yep - I know that she knows that I know. I need to keep detaching and GAL'ing. That is all. I now realized that I have been spending probably a little too much time with the kids and need to take a little time for me. Need to get back to the gym (no picture jokes today :)).
Quote:
This one is going to kill you...seriously! How does her actions really affect you as an individual? Really think about it....Does those actions really hurt you? Or are they hurting her more?
Will you let some one else control how YOU grow?
Yes it is bothering me - that I will not deny; however, I remain steadfast in my changes - in becoming the man that can look in the mirror. You know...I was very impatient in the past - i actually did not think I could have made it 3 months...well here I am almost 6 months later and I'm still alive. Still hoping.. still working on me. Maybe it is time for another tatoo (just kidding).
Her actions will not control mine. Am I a little sad - yep - but I know that this too will pass. My two steps today are...
1) remain happy and upbeat ALL day 2) try not to stangle her when I get home - this was a JOKE everyone...seriously continue to remain calm and enjoy my D.
Today I have a therapy session and I'm gonna try and go to a dance class today - Salsa...salsa...salsa...
Lost - by the way - I used most of the bonus to pay down the debt. May not be the smart thing to do but it was the "right" thing to do. I can live with myself. I cannot worry about how she "interprets it" that is on her. She is her own person. May God help her find whatever it is that she is looking for.
By the way, what year is the Jeep?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, you are a lighthouse, and an insperiation. Your positive out look towards your sitch, even on the bad day and the fact that you can post postive advice regarding my situation are truly a blessing.
Aces
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
It was a '99 sport. 4" lift, winch, front supports....I had some awesome times driving around the mountains down here. In the end it was just getting to expensive to maintain. I plan on getting another one once the economy changes...but right now I am in financial survival mode.
As far as where the bonus went....how would it have been spent if there was no situation? I think you would have put it on debt...so that is what is right for you (it is were I would have put it). We have discussed how you can pay for college and it wasn't really like you needed the bonus for that either.
Realize that we should all hate debt....it is worse than fighting and everything else. Once it is gone and you can start saving....there is no longer a reason for it other than a mortgage.
Just side thought though...Did you tell your wife that you paid down the debt with it? How did she react if so? I am curious.
Did you tell your wife that you paid down the debt with it? How did she react if so? I am curious.
I really do not speak with W so I did not mention anything. All of our finances are in MS Money so she can see it herself. She has not said anything but continues to take some money out for herself every week. Not sure what she does with it and actually at this point I really do not care. We had about 45K in debt and I paid 15K in one shot. Still have another 30K to go. In June her car is paid off so that free's up 600 a month, which I will apply to debt. From a legal perspective probably a bad move but hell with it. I did what I thought was right.
In terms of why I do not talk to her. We'll it is my detaching. Right now I know that I am still pissed about OM so it is best that I keep to myself. She appears very happy so I would not want to be the one who disturbs her peace. Just trying to be the man that I want to be.
Wild - thank you and np - everyone on these boards needs a 2x4 every now and then. Some are better than other...oppss did I say Jack (just kidding Jack...just kidding :D) It is easier to see some of the issues in someone elses post and point them out, which is all I try to do. I want to make sure that you do not make the same mistakes that I did. Live buddy...live...enjoy yourself. This is some hard shite..but you can do it.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
