Holy Crap! Didn't expect THIS!

[Trixi]

Hey Dom-
I know you are right that I could "show" him something...but he is just.....UGH!

He won't really talk to me except to say he is depressed and feels like a failure. He has now told both roommates, but when I asked what happened with the 25yo roommate he was vague. I asked what happened/what was the story and he said he didn't want to talk about it. And he said that the roommate "would try to work something out". WTF?! The kid lives in one room! and has 45 days notice! I have a client that just found out she has to be out of her house in 3 weeks for the bank to approve the short sale. And she has a 2100sf house with a 2 car garage to pack and move plus a teenage daughter to raise. And she is moving into a place half the size of her current house. (That she only just found today-15 days before closing.)

It has been 3.5 weeks since the bomb was dropped on my H and we decided to get back together for real and I have not seen any measurable forward movement.

In fact, Mr "I'm-in-it-to-win-it" would readily admit he is not "in it". I tried to get him to talk last night and he was like "You can't squeeze blood from a stone" and when I said I really REALLY needed him to talk to me and engage, all he could say was "yeah, I know."

I asked him about his wedding ring and he admitted he hasn't taken the time to look for it (he's "just too overwhelmed") but he is pretty sure he hid it somewhere. OH, but he can find time to jam...but not take 30 minutes to look for a ring. I have explained that the ring means a lot to me; it symbolizes "us" and he is like "I know. I have no problem wearing it; I just don't know where it is."

He wanted me to think about letting one of the roommates stay (not the 25yo, the other one -*that I have NEVER met!!*); but was pissy when my friend needed to use my scanner last night for 10 minutes. I called him out on that and said "Really? REALLY!? you want me to contemplate LIVING with some guy I have NEVER met and you can't suck it up for 10 minutes so someone can use my scanner?!? REALLY???" and he was like "Yeah- Really! I don't feel good right now." Boo-effing-hoo!

I have tried being nice and just validating, I have tried to encourage him, I have been biting my tongue for 2.5 years. We don't have time for any more of his moods. I told him as much and he was like "yeah, I know."

I am at a loss. I told him I have his back, but his lack of forward movement is making me insane.