As I mentioned in my post...you will know when you are done. I think DB'ing is a great thing but I think you also need to make sure that you aren't compromising yourself doing it. Part of DB'ing is making sure that you become stronger, and then if your H is ready to come back, you are ready for it. It is not OK if your H treats you like garbage..this is not making you stronger..this is breaking you down. You will lose yourself doing this. Has your H always pulled the gaslighting tricks with you? Continue to not let him get away with it. He needs to relearn what is acceptable and what is not acceptable..boundaries. Drunk or not.
Do not blame yourself if your H is not responding. An A is a powerful addiction. You cannot compete with it. It sounds like the A is not really over or hasn't been over long enough for your H to come out of that fog...especially an EA. I know it is difficult with children and you want to do things as a family..but perhaps distancing yourself from him will help you see things a bit clearer... and perhaps this will allow him to realize what he is missing.
I might have missed it... Have you thought about applying the Gucci method and kicking him out unless he stops with OW? Have you read "Love Must Be Tough"??? If you haven't - I would suggest it!!
Sometimes unconditional love needs to be unconditional TOUGH love.....
(((luv)))
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
LUV, FWIW... give yourself some more time...This is a marathon - not a sprint. There are plenty of other things you can try before you file for D - assuming you want to.
Look Gucci up and read some of his advice. I hear his method can be VERY effective!!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
I am trying so hard not to make a rash decision Talia - that's why I've waited to file.
Mind - no I haven't busted up the A because I've been waiting for the right time. I think the time is now huh?
I don't have any solid proof other than some very iffy texts and an email from her professing she couldn't wait another day to talk to him - remember?
That ho needs to be put in her place. I warned her to stay away from my H and she didn't listen so....
btw - you do not give terrible advice LOL
Homer said, not only do I see hope in your situation I guarantee I can get your H to a place where he needs to be. Yeah for an outrageous amount of money and there is NO guarantee in anything and I couldn't believe he said that. Ten 30min sessions and he can turn my M around? Hmmmm
Last edited by luvless; 03/16/1001:43 AM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
hi luvless; I've been following your thread for a while, but I just haven't posted yet.
It sounds like you've got a lot to think about right now, living in limbo land. Filing for divorce, busting your h's affair, db'ing, etc.
for whatever it's worth. Early in my sitch my W was in an EA, possibly PA. I had contact info for the OMW, but I didn't think I had enough evidence, so I waited. Soon it was too late. I now wish I had taken some action.
You said earlier that feel criticized for somehow not doing enough to save your M. I hope my post doesn't feel like criticism. I almost didn't post. I just want to offer support!
hang in there.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Luv, You need to blow this affair wide open. Its not fair to OW's H to be the odd person out. He deserves to know what his wife is doing, protect himself financially, legally and to check his health.
You can't fix your M until OP is out of the way...
Bust the affair wide open... what's the worst he could do? Divorce you? You are already there... so you have nothing to lose!
Hang in there!!!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
