I am going to suggest you STOP DBing for a little while and ONLY focus on you. YOU have spent the last year (?) trying to do everything right to fix your H and your marriage... and its hurting you. Leave H to his own world. Be nice, Be civil... but let him go. That stupid cliche... if you love something...
IMHO - you need to ONLY focus on you. Your health - mental and physical - so you can be the best YOU possible. Thats what DBing is really about. Its not about becoming the person your WAS will want to come back to. Its about becoming an amazing Anne and if H see's he's a jackass and comes back - YOU get to decide if thats what you want/deserve.
How often are you in IC? I went 2X/week for the first several months - I had ALOT of my own crap to work through. I needed to get my stuff together and get to a good place mentally. Clean the slate if you will. Work on your self image issues, control issues,communication issues, health issues, and get yourself whole. You can't be a partner to anyone else unless you are a whole you... and I think you would agree that you aren't that these days. I think we can all see that.
Stop worrying about what H is/isn't doing, what he is/isn't thinking, how he is/isn't feeling... quite honestly ... what other people think is none of your business!!!
I would suggest you read "Love Must be Tough" and "Boundaries" and I wish I had a good recommendation for a book on communication but hopefully someone else will throw one in
You need to heal you - mentally and physically! My hope and belief is that if you do that - TRULY heal you - the right things will be on the other side of that journey. If H is that thing for you - he will be there - if not.... something better will be.
Don't make decisions from fear. Courage is feeling the fear.. but forging ahead anyway. Don't let your fears be the reason you do anything - they can be very deceiving.
HUGS!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
