WAW in PA-I Moved Out in Error & D has been Filed

[Quart9]

I feel like God has someone else out there for me that I will be happier with than I was before. I'm excited about that.

I'm also excited because I will be going to Miami in a couple of weeks for my buddy's wedding. I don't really have the cash to go and I planned on just sending a present. I talked to him last night though and he said that he and a couple other of my friends all chipped in and wanted to get me a plane ticket. I was a little embarrassed at first and a little ashamed. We worked out the time and dates though.

I feel so lucky to have good friends like that. I wish I was closer to them geographically. I haven't made to many really close friends here but I'm working on that.

Something that I have been thinking about this morning is how my W can go from maybe having just one or two dates with OM to automatically spending one or two nights a week with him at his friend's house and/or in a hotel room. I guess because he doesn't live very close they don't have many options (how convenient since she loves to travel). Is this how the WAW soars after she is gone?

I dunno if they slept with each other on the cruise in Nov but I would assume they did so maybe that cut out the need to date before they started spending the night together. Plus, I guess that they take care of all that dating nonsense via the 1000 text messages they send to each other everyday. I dunno why I feel the need to try to figure all of this out. I do feel like I need to stop thinking about all of this so much though.

Being forced to detach after 9 years is tough. It is over with between she and I and I have to shift my focus and really practice detaching.

[robx]

And BTW- by moving back in I could jeopardize receiving spousal support. I've got about 2 years of school left.

I read this a few times and I'm still trying to figure out how you could jeopardize receiving spousal support? Want to explain this? The logic of this statement is beyond me, how could doing so change the spousal support?

[Quart9]

My L told me that if I moved back without my W's approval my W could easily get a restraining order on me. My L said that the court will not award spousal support to me if I have a restraining order on me by W.

I think half of my last thread was a discussion about my moving back into our apt. I was never really comfortable with the idea of it but I came to a point where I was really ready to do it. I think Puppy explained to me that I should not allow this sitch to end without doing everything I could.

After talking with the L and finding out more about W and OM I'm glad I didn't. I just should have never moved out in the first place (or gone back home for a couple of weeks for the holidays). Hindsight is 20/20.

[MrBond]

So does she know that the D was filed?

Incidentally, what's to prevent her from filing a RO on you now to prevent you from getting spousal support? Do you really want to rely on her to be paying your bills?

[Quart9]

In my last meeting with L I questioned her about that - why couldn't W just get and RO anyhow. L explained the she has to feel physically threatened by me to file an RO. Then we would have to go to a hearing and she would have to explain this threat. I would have an opportunity to explain my side of the story and then the court would decide.

I would never harm her or any other woman, but if we were ever alone by ourselves it would be her word against mine. As long as I am never around her without a witness we're good.

I'm going (with a friend) this week to get the rest of my stuff out of the apt and after that I will have her served. As far as I know she does not know the D has been filed.

[Quart9]

Do you really want to rely on her to be paying your bills?

That was the plan when it was decided we would move out here for me to go to school. Should that change just because she decided to break our vows to screw another dude and end our marriage?

I could get by with living off of school loans if I had to, but it would probably cost me about $160k (or more) instead of about $120k to finish at this school if I did not receive spousal support.

Guys - I completely own up to my portion of this marriage failing. I made mistakes. I feel shame, guilt, anger (at myself), and disgust for not doing better on my part to make our marriage better. I have lost a great woman. I loved her more than anything.

But I never flirted, kissed, or screwed another woman behind my W's back (or in front of her-lol!), and I certainly never set out to start a new relationship while I was still married with another married woman.

I plan to learn from my mistakes and when I have the opportunity to get married again I hope and pray I will be a much better husband.

[MrBond]

I was just wondering if you really wanted to stay attached with your W monetarily. Sounds like a clean break would be better. I mean, I understand that in the end it will be cheaper, but in the end, you went to school to make life better for the two of you. Since now she's not going to get anything out of it, it seems like you're going to build up alot of resentment in her.

Did you want to stay friends with her or is she dead to you now?

[Quart9]

Nah - I'm gonna petition for support or I guess I already have when I filed the D. Now I'm going to school for me.

Any resentment I have for her doesn't or wouldn't stem from her not getting anything out of me going to school. I resent her for betraying me, reneging on the plans we made, picking names out with me for the children we will never have, etc. I'll get over it with time though.

If she has to pay me spousal support it will be garnished so we don't have to interact, and I can't be friends with her if she is with someone else. Now she is alive to me but eventually I hope it will be like she is just out there (dead seems kinda harsh).

[Cautious]

I know it's hard to forgive, but something my instructor mentioned today really struck home for me and the things you mentioned: when a breakup happens, you can't get back some of the things you put into a R. You can't take them to court for the last X number of years of your life. Though it would be so nice if you could

There's a few things I'm still bitter about, but I don't want to always be bitter, so I try to push them out of my mind. Just like I'm afraid of snakes, so I don't sit around all day thinking of snakes, because who wants to be scared all the time?

I hope it gets easier with time to let go of these things. In the meantime, spousal support is HARD to get, you will need a good lawyer. Even a subpar lawyer told me that it would be near impossible, even though I'd been a SAHM for 3 years. Luckily, ExCautious decided to sign off on it or me.

[MrBond]

I was referring to resentment on her part. I mean she could still make your life hell even after the D. Do you want her resenting you the whole time?

I get the part about you going to school just for you, but she's going to start seeing that too and think you're continuing to be the selfish person she believes you to be. I know you don't care, but she could still possibly do things to you.

Just a thought.