I disagree with you L and C. I think the OM's wife should know. Your wife does not sound that remorseful and does not seem to care about the full impact of what she is doing. What she is doing does not just impact her family alone. You need to set some serious boundaries with serious consequences. If you are going to contact these om, then you need to leave now. If you are going to have cybersex with om then I will press for full custody. Plain and simple with her. Shock
Shocked one,
Actually my counselor hasn't said one way or the other about telling the OM's wife. I think he feels she should know about it too. He just believes that she'll find out someday anyway. The truth always rears its head.
I don't think my W is doing the cybersex thing anymore, ATM. I have set some boundaries...She knows that if I found out I would tell all her relatives about what she was doing and throw all her stuff out in the yard...I still hold some of the cards. Also, she probably thinks I would drag her into a long court battle. She's right.
Thanks for your post.
MICrazy
Me: 45 W: 43 M: 10 T: 15 S7 S3
My Sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...823#Post1942823
One more piece of advice. Don't ever think you can guess what a WAS is doing. You will nearly always be wrong. You must alway remember, never believe anything you are told, and only believe half of what you see. Just because you don't believe she is not having cybersex in no way will mean that she is not. She has been caught, and if she is going to do it still, she will just take better precautions. Sucks, but may very well be true.
You will hear both sides of the story on exposing. I believe in exposure. I think the OM's W should be able to know the truth and deal with it how she will. Just my 2 cents of input on it. However, if communication has been cut 100%, and your W is being transparent in all communications, then maybe not, but if she is being shady still, you can count on communication still happening.
If it's an EA with one of the men, and you tell his W.....it might help, but if she is "addicted" to the cybersex.....she'll simply move on to the next man.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Good point Sandi, hadn't thought of the addiction and possible multiple partners. MIC, are there more than one, or was it an X-BF? I can't recall where this one started at.
why is she still in the house? Why is there still internet...I may be out of line...I'm not good at this either but you are reacting out of emotion...you really had a great opportunity to do what Rob and Gno said...hit her w/ everything, get her out, and go DARK...
Shock and Awe...not piec by piece, will you do this will you do that...you are bargaining w/ her then admit that you cant believe what she says anyway...
I did the same thing and my sitch is about as effed as you can get...hit her hard w/ facts- NEVER diclose your intel, and get her out of the house!!!
Expose her to om w immediately and get her away from the kids.
Seriously, do you think it's a good idea to keep om w in the dark about this? After you expose her to the other spouse, tell your w that that is only the beginning if she doesn't knock it off! You will start telling everyone else too. Then, do it!
Oh, and boo-f'ing- hoo! She's "addicted." Even more reason to get her away from your children. Act quickly and decisively. Do not give her time to think and jerk you around in "counseling."
Unfortunately she knows her rights... we both own the house so I can't kick her out. If I catch her doing anything again I will kick all of her stuff out of the house. That's the best I can do.
As far as custody goes, my lawyer says I can't get full custody with what she has been doing. It isn't bad enough.
Oh and even if I cut off the internet she has a broadband card.
MICrazy
Last edited by MICrazy; 03/16/1002:36 AM.
Me: 45 W: 43 M: 10 T: 15 S7 S3
My Sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...823#Post1942823
No, leaving in many states with the kids would not be allowed and in my state would be seen as putting the kids in the middle. If he wants custody, he has to want and show that he has the children's best interests in mind.
I think he's doing just fine. Lost your head a little, but I don't blame you one bit. Detach, get a life and pretend as if she is not there. Detach, did I say that? LOL. It's doing you and the kids no good at all being emotionally volatile. From now on, she's a ghost. You don't see her, you don't hear her, unless she knocks some dishes off the shelf. Then you call in an exorcist. Just focus on the kids, focus on yourself, focus on your lives together. Do family things together, play games, take them out, ask them what they want to do. Have fun and above all, detach.
