I see what you mean. In some ways he does treat me well. But in other ways, he doesn't. He can't work out whether its the depression or not. I do know that the other night for the first time I talked about how overloaded I felt with all the responsibility I have --living with a depressed person has meant I have had to do a lot of caring and taken responsibility for a lot of things. Meanwhile, there's been nothing back in terms of a connection or positive interaction, rather, just a lot of irritability, silence, and daytime sleeps, and I'm just drained from feeling a lone. A number of people have remarked how draining it must be. After 3.5 years of this, I'm exhausted. So I told him--up until this point, I've just been cheerfully carrying it all, in the belief that he will get better someday. When I started to say the things that I am responsible for and that is wearing me down, his response was, "Doesn't sound too onerous to me". It's like he just expects it, or that he is so empty toward me or angry toward me that he doesn't care. So I thought that was an example of treating me badly. He's an avid weather watcher. He checks the bureau of meterology website several times a day. So it's not unusual for him to know the temperature at any time. Knowing this, nor has it been unusual for me to be able to ask what the temp. for the day is going to be, and for him to know. But the other day, when I asked, he said, "I dunno, look out the window". I was taken aback, drew a breath and said, "So by that reply should I take it not to ask you what the weather is, any more?". He said no. I have lost a lot of weight due to our circumstances (we have severe money problems because he can't work, I have just finished studying and don't have work yet, and we are facing impending homelessness, and so far, haven't been able to come up with a solution--although he thought my mum should bail us out--another story) and my weight is very low. I am in counselling about it. He is getting tense with me about my low weight. But the more he pushes about it, the more I clam up and retreat inside myself. My low weight is not the reason he rejects me emotionally and sexually; even when I was at a healthy weight, it was the same. It's like I can't gain weight, I just feel too sad and worn down. (and not eating saves money).
We are having the "talk" tonight. thanks for your good response, Scarf, I'm thinking on it (btw, I'm 44--now well over 40) Mettaphorica
