Will I ever be forgiven???

[dday101798]

Well, first of all, sorry Mom of 2 Cherubs for the unintended hi-jacking of your thread, although the subject matter is somewhat relavent.

Secondly, although there's a "typical" script to how all our situations unfold and we find ourselves here, progression out of it, per sea is a case by case basis it seems.

I can't tell you what will or will not happen next for you.

If anyone would have asked me even a year ago today if I would have thought this morning I'd be waking up next to my now ex-wife, I'm certain I would have said not a snowballs' chance in hell. She "hated me", OM "was the one for her", "it's over".

That was her attitude 95% of the time. I was the biggest inconvenience and mistake she ever made in her life. Everything wrong in our marriage was solely all my fault much as all reason why it could not be fixed. Or so it seemed. Then again, the WAS script.

The other 5% of the time, she "was sorry", she "wanted to be my friend with hopes to perhaps work toward something (fall back in love together) later on." That 5% of the time would surface every 4 months it seemed.

In July, after the divorce went through the month prior, she made the final attempt at that 5% again. Started recouping random items from the house for me. Again, just being friendly, but with OM. This time tho when 5% time ran up, I wasn't having it anymore. I refused to be the sole blame for everything, and I refused to bicker and qualm about it any further, it was after all OVER.

So, here's where the differences will start piling in.

We hadn't lived together, at all since 8/08. We collectively lost EVERYTHING. The kids slowly came to grips with the situation and decoded her lies the more people began to talk freely of things. They faultered in school and their personal social lives, all the while the cherished every moment of the 72 hours a month they got to spend with me, their father.

I became striclty 'by the book'. I also finally just moved on with my life and stopped looking over my shoulder to make sure she was ok. Essentually, I became the WAS.

Her family as well decoded her and all but abolished holiday gatherings, period, across the board.

In November, Thanksgiving, I was more by the book than ever and well, cold with her. By this time tho, a month had past since our anniversary falling on it's exact day for the second year in a row. She claimed to have reached her moment of clarity on or about that day 10/17/09.

On Thanksgiving, the holidays went full tilt when she dropped the boys off by me. Missed my family, wanted to say hi and all, but did not take up the opportunity. I saw this upset her deeply. She also claimed to not be with OM anymore which struck me as curious why she'd even say so (yet he's the one that drove her out by me to drop off the kids). "But we need to talk"

For the next week our 'friendship' improved with random texts and small talk. Until one night she caught me on the way out the door. I actually was going by myself to a concert after everybody else blew me off (didn't tell her that), and she asked to go. I said sure why not. She thought I was joking. Until I called her when I was 10 minutes from her house to pick her up.

We ended up going. Sat down and talked, about everything. It was THAT talk. The remorse, regret and apology talk. Both sides taking turn, and both sides releaving tons of pressure from their own chests. And most of all, no blaming. No finger ponting except for at our selves.

We were there all night long, litteraly, talking, taking a break to digest it, listened to some music, then talked some more. When it was all said and done, she had that fire in her eyes, that pulse that she never lost during those 5% of the time and I went for broke and kissed her.

Every thread I have on here refers to that look at some point as I couldn't figure out in the thick of things what to do with.

Shortly there after, here we are, putting our lives back together now that the rest is all behind us. We're respectful to one another and we communicate better than ever as we know what will happen when we don't and neither of us want to go through it again.

Now, I'm not saying that other situations will turn out the same, hell maybe in another year from today we might not even be together, you just don't know. You should, but unfortunately not. But I do think so long as all the blame games stop and repsonsibility owned up to, a far more amicable level of friendship can be had.