I dont know the right answer about her living with you. You can say that it does not affect you, but I dont know how you can block that out if you see her coming and going.
For me, it was a dignity thing. My W told me she was going to date other men and hit the night clubs. I could not help but notice her getting herself ready for her tramp nights out. It was too much and I told her 3 times in a short span that she was not to live under the same roof as myself if she was going to be dating other men. I used some reverse logic along with talking about my dignity/respect and she agreed that she would move out and live with a coworker.
However, she was so far gone as a mother at the time that the kids stayed with me. I believe she moved in with OM during that time and she had asked me if she could introduce (or test drive) the kids with him. I told her absolutely no way - it would send the wrong message to the kids who knew I was hoping to save our M. She introduced them anyway behind my back and it was through my kids that they told me that mommy was having a PA. I almost passed out upon hearing such details from my kids and about a month later I filed for a D.
BTW... I used the word "disgust" during the dark time in my situation.
And after filing, we were back on the fence and we delayed the D process for several months.
It sounds like yous W is still a great mother so I dont know if it is in your or the kids best interest to ask her to leave. Also, I dont think you should leave. But you dont want to live in a situation like in the movie "The War of the Roses".
It is great that you are getting 2nd legal advice.
Eric, as you know I have a live-in. It is really, really tough for the reasons mentioned above. They come and go and you have to try to distance yourself from it, from trying not to think about where they were or who they were with, etc.
While having them around does allow them to see your changes, they also can see when you are not doing so well, even if you try hard to hide it.
For me, it was a lot about the kids - I think for them it has been important that he has been here still, but each situation is different.
Yes it is tough but at the same token I can and will deal with it for the sake of my children. The biggest issue that I have is the need to stay quite and not confront her about it. I am keeping my emotion in check, which is another big change for me. One that quite frankly I am very proud of. I think I am handleing this pretty well. That is not to say that I am not angry but my anger is not going to control me or change the path that I am on.
The big concern I have with pushing her out is MY time with the kids. If legally I would have to leave then it does not make any sense for me to confront her I would much rather spend as much time as I can with my kiddies. If the L tell me that I could probably stay and still have my kids, then quite frankly I am willing to confront. If for no other reason than to stop playing these childish games. My expectation of her accepting responsibility is ZERO. I do understand that she is sick.
Another issue I have are the finances. I feel like I am helping to fund her A. Granted both of our paychecks go into the same account and we are working to pay down the debt but since the income is split 75% me and 25% her - I am helping to pay down the debt a lot faster. This is right thing to do but it sure does not make me feel any better knowing that she is along for a free ride.
TF - Did you and your S discuss OP? If so, how did the convo go.
Kerry I noticed that you confronted can you give me some talking points?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I confronted from day 1 and it was not good. I was begging and pleading too much for her to return to the marriage. That was done before I found this site. And before anyone responded to my initial post, I had informed her family in Thailand that they had a wayward daughter/sister and I had let too many other people know that she was a cheater. Up to the point where I gave her the boot out of the house, I was a terrible DBer.
That paying down the debt sure does seem like buying bullets for your own execution.
At some point, letting the cat out of the bag that you know she is fooling around with a married man would remove some of the excitement she is getting by the secrecy of the A. There is no easy way to do it though.
Just spoke with A. Further proof of A will do nothing but may help with division of assets but that would be up to the judge. It will not have any impact on custody. At this point since her job schedule is not set I may have a better chance of getting 50/50 split but my two oldest are old enough to decide for themselves. They just may decide to stay with Mom since I believe she is feeding them crap. So I may end up with 50/50 with my D only. That though could also be up to a judge if we cannot agree on terms. In terms of staying in the house...well that too could be up to a judge if we do not agree. Right now I feel like crap! I feel somewhat stuck. I know that I will get thru this but boy am I pissed. So W gets to screw around with someone else and I get shafted. Nice real nice. This is so freaking wrong.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Only if I can have a picture of her head as the punching bag. This is so wrong man. So freaking wrong.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
