I think the best thing that you can say to her is that "divorce is what you wanted, I do not."
You know, may be, but we've had that conversation so many times already. I know we don't share the same perspective.
I know the best thing, really, is to minimize contact. I've gotten this a lot on the board for a long time. I enable this dynamic by... answering the phone. Being available. I can't ask for advice because I've already gotten it. I've enabled.
When she called up Saturday, she said, I know I shouldn't be calling you (and asked me not to tell anyone - that's funny) - but that I can decide for myself if I want to answer the phone when she calls. And that's true.
Nothing's new here. Same damn thing. I have to change it. My attempts have not been consistent. I could go on about why that is, all the clockworks of my internal emotional dynamics, I could say a lot about all that, but it doesn't matter. I've got a big hole in me, and she fits there. And it's stupid to keep allowing her into that hole, because it doesn't heal up.
I think I get some secret satisfaction that I recognize the same in her, she's got a me-shaped hole.
