New to this Community seeking advice

[MichelleLT]

The reason Michele says in DB to ignore all of what they say and half of what they do (the WAS) is because when you ask those questions, you will almost inevitably get those answers.

Did she give any clue why she doesn't want you closer? (My guess is she's still scared that you will revert to past behaviors, but it's just a guess and I would love any further insight you have to help me try and see her perspective) You may want to reassure her that you don't intend to move next door, just close enough you could take them on the weekends, and that it will depend on what kind of jobs you find and where they are located.

Give her time to think over what was said. Give her time to think about what it would mean to the boys to have you closer (hopefully she will think good things and not that you will be a bad influence on them by reverting to the behaviors that drove her to leave). Continue the routines. Continue your 180s.

Keep in mind that she's probably very defensive about the money stuff right now. She may be saying she'll file in order to get $$$ support in writing. She may be feeling like she has to protect herself and the boys (even though we both know that's now at all what you meant by that - you are just acknowledging the reality of supporting two households when you will be between jobs).

Give her time to calm down after that convo. I'm sure it freaked her out. She probably has a lot whirling through her mind.

Good job on staying calm.

Keep calm. While there are things that were said and done that are not necessarily strictly DB, it was a convo that needed to happen because you need to let her know what is coming with you leaving active duty.