Please help with advice and support

[broken2010]

Agreed, no more. But I do feel that it's truly over, and I just wanted to hold my wife one last time.

Did you at least do something fun for your birthday, Maynard? I did a silent toast to you Saturday night.

[jasper67]

thanks- played golf and had dinner w/ my friend who shares the same b-day.

It was great- EXCEPT- I saw W a few hours before dinner.

This is when I hugged her- same thing really, one last embrace kind of thing...wasted opportunity...she's not W anymore so I was hugging a body.

At least she initiated...but still a major backslide for me

[broken2010]

At least it's warm enough to play golf wherever you're at! Our links won't open for another couple months yet. Hopefully can at least hit the driving range soon.

All I can tell you is that every day gets a little easier. I didn't start healing until she actually left the house. I hadn't talked to anyone except my parents and a couple close friends who aren't close to her. After she left I told EVERYONE and came on this board. It's funny to look back at some early posts like, "Why would you want her in your life?" I completely ignored those because I was desperate and frantic to keep her. Now I go back and read those and ask myself, "Why WOULD I want her in my life? If she doesn't love me for who I am, then I'll go find someone who will."

Keep the faith Maynard. If things can work out with your wife, cool. If not, know that there's more fish in the sea. Heck, I've got old college buddies coming up to my "bachelor pad" in April!

[Ken62]

Remove her safety net. Quit letting her know that she can always come back if her fantasy doesn't pan out. This is the Big Girl Panties stage of the game. She has made a choice, now allow her to feel the full impact of what leaving you means. It means the friendship is over. It means she solves all of her problems without your safety net, counsel, support, interest. She is on her way to being D so let her feel that now.

You are not throwing away 12 years, broken. SHE IS walking away from 12 years. Let her feel the chill of that. You keep kissing her, hugging her, talking friendship with her - geez - she's thinking "This is easier than I thought!"

Big Girl Panties.

Greek

Thanks Greek!

I really needed to see this (even if on someone else's thread). In my case it is 24 years of M she is walking away from! This is why I gave her the settlement check already and got my credit cards back. As far as I am concerned we are already divorced and she can have the next three months to live that life before it becomes final and see if she likes it. I feel so good that I have been able to detach and drop the rope. I hope I can continue to do that and keep up my PMA. Having fun doing things with other people and looking forward to going out with friends this coming Friday including a new lady friend who I only met a few weeks ago!

Feel free to read and comment on my sitch and send Coach over too! Thanks!

(Sorry to hijack)

Ken

[broken2010]

Sorry jasper, meant to reply to you, not maynard. Confusing my posters on this thread.

[jasper67]

actually had to change some stuff if you follow me...

hope it warms up for you soon

Glad to hear about the detaching- I know I need to be cleansed again after having seen W. That will be 3 or so days I'm guessing.

[sandi2]

But for a minute there she seemed like the person I knew, not the person she's invented for herself.

And, I think this is what may be so hard for the LBH....when he sees that girl he fell in love with. When she's acting like the stranger you wonder about, it is easier (in ways) to let go, but those few moments that you get a glimpse of the real person, your heart wants to believe she's back.

I've read some LBH's say that gave their W a kiss b/c that is what he "wanted" to do so he did it. That is a man fooling himself and not DBing.

I just wanted to say goodbye to the woman I loved.

I'm so sorry. There are a few of us that do come back.

[chatterbug]

How are you doing broken

[broken2010]

Getting a life, detaching, moving on. I haven't seen my wife since Saturday, and I don't really care to. She's living in a crappy apartment on an airbed. I hope she enjoys her new fantasy world.

She texted me today because she has the flu and wanted to come hang out with the dogs on the couch. I said fine, and she replied she'd try to be out of the house by the time I got off work. All I really felt was anger. My first thought was that she was going to ask to stay the night, and I immediately called a couple friends to see if they'd help me move some furniture to her apartment. I no longer want her in the house! I've realized that this new person she's invented for herself is a person I don't know, I'll never trust, and I don't really like. All she does is hurt people. If she asked me to come home for another chance right now I'd tell her no. She's become totally unappealing to me as a lover and a friend.

That said, I still miss the little things. I miss her family. I miss talking to someone after work. I miss getting a hug. I miss sex! When we talked a couple weeks ago we decided to separate, not divorce. Now I want a divorce so I can find someone who will accept me for who I am, and that I can trust to never hurt me like my wife did.

[luvless]

I've realized that this new person she's invented for herself is a person I don't know, I'll never trust, and I don't really like. All she does is hurt people. If she asked me to come home for another chance right now I'd tell her no. She's become totally unappealing to me as a lover and a friend.

That said, I still miss the little things. I miss talking to someone after work. I miss getting a hug. I miss sex! Now I want a divorce so I can find someone who will accept me for who I am, and that I can trust to never hurt me like my wife did. [/quote]

I could have written this myself!