Reconstructing Bart

[are you kidding]

I know it now, but didn't then, the first couple nites my wife had asked me to leave so she wouldn't say anything I'd live to regret, I flipping paniced and really did die. The old me anyway.

I'd get drunk and text apologizing for flipping everything, now I know all I did was add to the justification. Also a couple months ago, I had gone out and ran into a desk mate of hers that described how non chalant and giddy was the day she filed. Well I had a couple beers and texted wife heard all about how happy she was to file, even called out her friend that told me. That was like at 1 am, needless to say, I felt better for about a second, then I was like what an idiot I am, more justifacation and all i got back fromt eh text was I was a liar.

So Bart no drunk texting, I did it twice it doesn't work, it's almost better and I did this, if you go out give your phone to a friend.

[C-Bart]

Thanks Are You Kidding. I made it through with all of your help. Maybe its a good idea to leave the phone with a friend to remove all temptations.

On another note. W and I had some pretty intense conversations last night about having the OM around the kids. She seems to think that it is ok and will have no affect on them. I on the other hand am completely opposed to any contact with OM or OW until the relationship is serious. W or at least the 16 year love struck girl that she has become is convinced that OM she met in a bar three weeks ago, who is going through a D as well, is the one. I hope she's right and this guy brings her all the happiness in the world but statistically that's probably not the case.

Have you ever tried to talk logically with a 16 year old kid? If you have you can imagine how the conversation went. I really don't care who she is seeing but they need to stay away from my kids. They do not need to deal with people coming into and out of their lives. She doesn't seem to get it. She thinks they have no idea what is going on. That is the farthest thing from the truth. We have a D12 who is watching every move we make. This is serious business here.

If it was't so serious it would be funny. She keeps wanting to drag me into a hole. She says the only reason I'm making a deal about this is because she left me and is not coming back. That OM is a really nice guy, blah, blah, blah. Now she is trying to make the fact that we are not D my fault. Saying I filed for a continuance in November when it was actually her L. Regardless of the diversion its just that a way to take the focus of what she is doing. She knows that its wrong.

Weird point in the conversation. She actually shifted out of her whatever I do is justified mode and ask this question; "What is marriage anyway?" Are you serious? What in the heck is that all about?

There were a couple of points in the conversation that I was very proud of myself. At points she was just being mean and nasty, trying to hurt me. My response was to clearly define a boundary that I was not willing to continue a conversation if she was going to treat me in that manner. Of course she denied doing it but she backed off none the less.

I'd like to say I was calm and in control of my emotions during the entire conversation but these are my kids and I will do anything to keep them from being hurt any further. If that means as she suggested that I have full custody I will do that. My hope is she heard some of what I said and took it to heart.

[ericmsant2]

If that means as she suggested that I have full custody I will do that. My hope is she heard some of what I said and took it to heart.

I hoping my W would agree to that but I doubt it.

Are you getting a D or is this just a LS? Who decided to file?

[ClingingToHope]

Lots to do. Worried about my left foot though. Too much basketball and now I have to stay off it for a while. I'll have the girls after school a lot this week because W didn't get an after school sitter hired.

[Cie la vie]

CB,

I on the other hand am completely opposed to any contact with OM or OW until the relationship is serious.

I think it is DW who is going through similiar issues with the intro crap and this topic was brought up by the mediator in my case. He asked if we wanted to add language to the settlement agreement on this. But the bottom line is if my STBX can't honor her M vows what are the odds she will honor D vows?

W or at least the 16 year love struck girl that she has become is convinced that OM she met in a bar three weeks ago, who is going through a D as well, is the one.

I don't see or talk to my STBX enough now to view the adolescent behavior that I observed and poached from her text messages while she still lived under the same roof but I imagine it is still in play. Is this behavioral trait common for a MLCer?

Glad you were able to keep your emotions in check and if you can get full custody more power to you.

[Lostforwords]

C-bart,

Sounds like she is deep in the bowels of MLC. My wife questioned marriage...linked it to ownership and such (If it was ownership I would have definitely called the maker and demanded a recall at the time).

For future reference....I think you might have gone to far with the contact for the weekend. You spent time poolside, then lunch, and obviously somehow communicated last night with her. I don't think you did it intentionally, but it was probably to much for her. I think going back to your dark place again might be in order. Break your interactions down for the weekend. See how it started OK and then went downhill the more you met up with her. I understand the SIL thing (reason for no 2x4), but it may have been just enough to set her off.

How is your daughter doing?...I worry about her.

[C-Bart]

For sake of full disclosure, I initiated the phone call to W last night (Sunday). I did so after driving by her house and seeing a strange truck in the driveway. Her house happens to be on my way to anywhere. OM + Kids = unacceptable.

I talked to my IC today about the OM situation and the kids. She just shook her head in amazement. She said its probably a good thing your on meds having to deal with W.

Lost, I'm worried about my daughter as well. Her mother is setting a terrible example. I spent a little bit of time with her today and she's doing ok. Her and I have always been close and that will continue to be the case.

[Lostforwords]

C-bart,

Keep taking care of that girl....You are doing an incredible job showing her what a respectful and strong person is and does. I really believe down the road she will be thankful that she has had a rock like you through the storm.

She just shook her head in amazement.

Sometimes that is all you can do.

OM + Kids = unacceptable.

Agree

I just don't have any advice. You are not going to be able to control if she introduces the OM to the kids. There is just no way around that at this point. Maybe there is a better way in the situation.

You know that the wife is going to introduce the OM. So instead of focusing your attention on trying to stop the unstoppable....maybe focus on damage control.

Example; As soon as the kids are back home with you...do something special with them. In essence give them a few brief moments were everything isn't focused on the wife and OM...but instead focused purely on things they enjoy.

[ericmsant2]

Can you send me a message via the alt. Thx

[ClingingToHope]

How does the alt work? Any tips.