Running out of time.

[dwinter82]

I found out where OM2 lives via snooping and TP'd his house last night. It is a very nice double wide with a great collection of old rusty cars and trash in the front yard.

CLV, glad to hear you are feeling beter.

[C-Bart]

Hey that was my house DW.

[Cie la vie]

DW & CB,

OM2 shares the same name as a Senator from your great state. I'm not sure if OM2 still resides in MO or if he now lives in my city. I suspect he lives here now.

Naturally I attempted to track down where he may have lived in Stl. and I came up with one dumpy house that according to zillow sold some months ago. I don't know if it was his place or not. I do know (from a text msg my wife sent a GF) that OM2 has been going through a D for 3 years now.

Anyway, I had a difficult time blocking out these latest developments over the week. I guess this was to be expected. I need to get back on track with trying to not care or at least care much less.

I had the kids all weekend and they wore me out. It is on from 6:00 AM to 7:45 PM with no break (couldn't get them down for a nap). We had a lot of fun together and I enjoyed it.

Hope you guys had good weekends.

[ClingingToHope]

I went nuts when I thought W might have an OM. I believe it was nothing but it was a searing pain. I feel for you.

[Cie la vie]

CTH,

It is certainly no fun. My STBX appears to be trying to fill the emptiness in her with random guys. She burned white hot with OM1 and apparently reached the conclusion that he was not right for her and immediately began to pursue OM2 with a vengenance. Where this one goes is anyones guess.

Now that she has moved out and the fact that we rarely have any communication with eachother leaves me in the dark on what is happening with her. All of this is a side of her I have never seen before and it is disturbing. There isn't anything I can do about it and I am for the most part resigned to the fact that she is gone.

I continue to do my best to focus on myself and the kids and I continue to GAL but need to add to that. The opportunity to "act as if" rarely if ever at this point is available. The last time I saw her was at our mediation session on March 3rd, she texted me on the 8th and the 12th regarding the kids and that is extent over our communication.

I have been adhereing to a NC policy and I often wonder if I am doing the right thing. I does help me to detach but I'm not sure if I am helping my casuse with her.

She took a trip to St. Louis to either meet up with OM2 or they went to visit together for whatever reason. I think he lives in my city now but who knows.

[dwinter82]

CLV, IMO you are doing the right thing. What other options do you have? Pursue? Beg?

Stay strong and do everything possible to block out the OM factor (if you figure out how to do this, let me know). At this point the OM is irrelevant; he is just a small patch of green grass on the other side. Once the fog has lifted, maybe your W will come around and realize what she is throwing away. If not, your DB'ing efforts will pay off in the long run.

How could we start a basketball bracket on this forum?

[Cie la vie]

DW,

CLV, IMO you are doing the right thing. What other options do you have? Pursue? Beg?

I agree my moves are limited and begging and pursuing aren't options. I just need to be kind on the rare occasion that I do have contact so she doesn't feel I am completely pissed at her because I sure that would push her further away.

Interestingly enough I just found out we have our first parent teacher association meeting this Friday morning at the school. She'll be there and I get to "act as if".

I agree with you that the OM is likely irrelevant yet I still manange to believe they will live happily ever after. I thought the same thing about OM1 and look what happened.

It is tough to block out the OM factor and the more successful I am at it the better I feel. I find that the activities (rock climbing) that require my complete attention eliminate these thoughts and really all other thoughts. I need spend more time on the sharp end of my rope that will do the trick.

My Bruins didn't bet anywhere near the Dance and as such I haven't followed hoops at all this year. With that said I like Kentucky to win it all.

Good hearing from you DW. How are things going for you man?

[dwinter82]

CLV, doing pretty good...somedays are better than others. Trying to GAL and stay busy.

Good luck with the meeting; look good and be cool.

[Cie la vie]

DW,

I think the somedays are better than others will be a continueing cycle for all of us for awhile. I don't like to ask this but your signature indicates d-day was over a week ago, is your D official?

I had an interesting morning. The kids are with me starting last night and will be back with the STBX on Friday. Our Tu/Th nanny is on vacation and I forgot that my STBX was covering those days.

So I hear the front door being unlocked this morning and I say to the kids the Nanny is here. The door opens and there is my STBX. Caught me off guard.

Our exchange was pleasant, she looks good and seems happy. I think I came off as calm, cool and confident and natural. This surprise encounter (although it shouldn't have been) provided me with the opportunity to bring up a couple of topics that I needed to contact her about anyway so I took advantage of the timing.

We discussed remaining co-owners on the house for another five years with me occuping and paying the mortgage, tax etc. We would share in any capital improvements/repairs as required. She seems open to it. We also discussed our tax situation and she agreed to take the point on scheduling with the accountant and handling it. She got a job but doesn't start work until April.

I than left for work and we exchanged nice goodbyes. It seems pretty clear to me that she is quite content with herself and her decision which is consistent with her behavior from day one.

She doesn't seem to be angry anymore and was quite friendly. I'll see her tonight when I get home and tomorrow at the PTA meeting. This is one of those rare contact spike up's that I must expect periodically given the kid factor.

I'm not sure how I should interpret her mood but maybe the OM2 bandaide and associated chemical fog are contributing to her seemingly happy and content demeanor or she just maybe truly content with her new life and the direction it is going.

I realize as I type this post that I don't feel any emotional distress and I guess that is a good sign that I am detaching further. Hopefully that is the case.

[MHL]

CLV, DW, CTH,
Sorry, I have not been around for a couple of weeks, I needed to take a break, but I am back. Wanted to come downstairs for a beer.

I'm not sure how I should interpret her mood but maybe the OM2 bandaide and associated chemical fog are contributing to her seemingly happy and content demeanor or she just maybe truly content with her new life and the direction it is going.

If her mood is good around you then take it, don't try to spoil it with thoughts of OM. Don't try to interpret just observe, she was in a good mood.....Great!

Our exchange was pleasant, she looks good and seems happy. I think I came off as calm, cool and confident and natural. This surprise encounter (although it shouldn't have been) provided me with the opportunity to bring up a couple of topics that I needed to contact her about anyway so I took advantage of the timing.

Keep up this behavior, she will remember it. If you can consistently be this way around her it will add up over time. It only takes one word, one facial expression to erase weeks or even months of progress.

Time, it will take time. All the OM will burnout and she has to just experience it, I think my wife is on her way there and is still hanging onto "I don't think you have changed" as long as I have really changed she might eventually take a chance or realize but no matter what I will be better than I was. You will be too.

Gotta run. I will check back in on everyone later.

Happy "Little Friday"