Will I ever be forgiven???

[dday101798]

AtTheEnd,

All valid questions no doubt.

At least to my particular situation where the original WAS, my (x)W left for OP in an A, the WAS is essentualy an addict. And be it like a narcotic, or alcohol, they know deep down what they are doing is wrong and hurting others. But they are so lost and hopeless, those very same actions are what "get's them by". Most 'hard-core' addicts will lie and steal from everybody they love ane and who loves them repscectfuly just to get another fix, another bottle, whatever it may be.

My (x)W had apologized, numerous times for what she was doing, but in her mind, IT WAS THE ONLY WAY. Did it make it right? No. Did it make my hurt, our kids hurt, our family's hurt any better? Not by a long a shot. At the time did I believe her? No, not at all.

Was she in fact sorry? Yes. I can see that now. I now understand that miserable look. That lost and confused look we all so often speak on our wayward spouse's faces and in their eyes.

But like an addict again, you can be sorry all you want. But, if you're still inflicting pain upon those who love you, you may be remorseful, but certainly not truly regretful.

When the cheating WAS finds them the LBS, all on their own with no-one around, it creates the ultimate epiphany (again at least in our sitch). (x)W cleansed herself of her addiction. Then and only then did I know she IS not only remorseful, but acknowledges and regrets what she had done.

Was it just a 'waltz back in'? No. Do we to some extent walk on eggshells with each other, you bet.

As far as if you wish to reconcille with your wayward spouse, only you can determine wither or not it's a safe option. Several here who followed my story, and some that haven't, friends and family been fairly scornful sometimes of me and my decisions and rate of which things have carried out in our reconcilliation. But, it is our reconcilliation. Not theirs. Not yours.

As far as damage to the relationship, you couldn't be more spot on. When both sides can sit down at the table and list out each and everything they have done to inflict the damamge and pain upon the other, WITHOUT ANY accustion of the other party, the slate is clean. What you decide to do with it, is yours.