now i know....

[gman]

well to all those who watched my attempt at getting back WAW i have a major updated....

2 month long physical affair found out this past Saturday (lasted from late November until late January).

I found out because the OM W called me....how ironic is that? Sadly OM was a friend of mine as well, his W filed for divorce last week as this is the second affair he has be caught in during the last year and a half.
OM W and I have been talking and sharing text exchanges, she forwarded texts from her H that said things about how he didn’t care about my W and the other girl he was having sex with…oh forgot to mention that I was showing my W each and every text from her as well as my replies…I have nothing to hide. She learned how much he manipulated and lied to both his W and mine. I started to find it almost comical….the man she thought was going to save her from me, used her like a piece of meat.

Needless to say, I had too much to drink Saturday night after all of the text’s ended. Suddenly my W came out of her “fog” (her words) obviously she was upset and says she just wants her family back, funny those are the same words I have been using since January, now she knows what I was feeling. I was pretty harsh, but I admitted that I still loved her. By 5am she had begged and pleaded and finally apologized, somehow we ended up having sex for the first time in nearly six months, funny thing is I know it was drunken sex…..and just that, I even told her that the next day.

back to my original topic i wrote "no idea what to do"....strange how that original thought i had when i came here is now my biggest problem again.

There is no question in my mind that I love her, but what do I do? My trust is gone for her, betrayed is an understatement.

Both are still in house and trying to shield this one from the kids….but one S11 friends is OM’s S and think they have picked up on something going on….kids are way smart aren’t they.

I will not be bitter or vindictive….these are my goals for the immediate future.

[dburt]

Before you know what to do, you must find out first what you want.

Burt

[Greek]

Ditto dburt.

What do you want? Can you move forward in the M knowing what you know? What will it take?

Greek

[gman]

i want my wife...but as i am sure you know the images of another man being with her....better yet a man i considered my friend...are bringing me some of the most painful feelings and images in my mind.

how do i stop this? I have been keeping my anger under control but the thoughts and images are killing me internally.

[Greek]

Puppy???? Where are you?????

[robx]

I would still make her work for it a bit,
if you cave in too easily, you will still appear to have little to no value, we pursue things of value that we don't have, always remember that.

Just because she wants back now doesn't mean she's ready to come back. You can say things like "I'm not sure how I feel anymore about us, it's been so long and all this stuff happened, I need some time to think about this plus I don't know if you're genuine or not, I don't trust you anymore and I want someone I can trust to be honest"

[Wired]

i want my wife...but as i am sure you know the images of another man being with her....better yet a man i considered my friend...are bringing me some of the most painful feelings and images in my mind.

how do i stop this? I have been keeping my anger under control but the thoughts and images are killing me internally.

If you find the answer to this, please please let me know. Even though I have not found evidence of any form of A. The thing you describe above is what I fear would push me over the edge to just throwing it all away.

[newmama]

Do you know your list of things you need in a case of reconciliation? You know starting with transparency, open discussion of the A, counseling, a timeline (if you want this)...
it could be a lengthy list. It's personal to you. But I recommend reading the list of articles on survivinginfidelity.com under their "healing library."

AND NO RUSH TO TELL HER WHAT YOU'VE DECIDED!!!

[PMA_Baby!]

If I had to guess Puppy would ask if your WAW has been tested for STD's yet.

That should state a clear boundary.

I would then agree.

PMA

[gman]

I would still make her work for it a bit,
if you cave in too easily, you will still appear to have little to no value, we pursue things of value that we don't have, always remember that.

Just because she wants back now doesn't mean she's ready to come back. You can say things like "I'm not sure how I feel anymore about us, it's been so long and all this stuff happened, I need some time to think about this plus I don't know if you're genuine or not, I don't trust you anymore and I want someone I can trust to be honest"

I agree - hate to admit had i not read everyone elses posts over the past few months i may have reacted differently.

If I had to guess Puppy would ask if your WAW has been tested for STD's yet.

too funny - i must have read way too many posts on here because i asked her that already.

as for reconciling - you are all correct i do not want to rush or cave. there is a part of me that wants her to SUFFER DEARLY for this betrayal, but one key thing she has not told me as of yet...."I will not do it again".