Robx - Thanks for reply. This is exactly why I'm confused about 180 and I'm getting mixed feedback. I do work at home by the way - both of my jobs are work from home jobs. Before I started DB - if there was poop under the bed I would have yelled at husband, told him to pick it up and if he didn't pick it up I would have nagged him to do it until he did. Since I started 180, concerning the poop, if he is watching the dog and the dog poops under the bed I just haven't said anything - no nagging, yelling or asking to pickup. This is why is is sitting under there. Should I not be doing that? That is confusing for me. The cleaning ladies won't pick it up - they came the other week and saw it under the bed and just told him it was there.
With the above I'm not making an excuse I'm just trying to understand the 180 better - I thought by not talking to him about it, asking him about it or doing it myself that I was doing my 180. Is that not the case?
Greek - I will continue with what I am doing then. I have not been asking husband to do anything and have not been doing tasks that I would normally do for him. That has been part of my 180. I think some of this got mixed up with one of my questions. For instance, we are on vacation now and normally I would pack both our stuff and then unpack it when we got here but I did not pack his stuff and did not unpack anything of his when we got here. It has been driving me crazy because his suitcase is sitting in the middle of the floor with stuff everywhere but I'm not saying anything and will just leave it there - seriously, what is so bad about it being there anyway? That's part of my problem is I get stressed out about things that don't really matter - I know this about myself but it's very difficult to explain to other people. It's an anxiety with things not being in their place - I undertand this is MY problem but it doesn't make it any less hard! As far as paying the bills I do do that but I don't really mind. We talked about this in therapy and both agreed that I was stronger at this task. I think there are some things that is okay or me to do if I dont mind, right? Part of this is my inability to let go of control and a lot of that has to do with a specific system I set up - again, I understand that this is my fault and my problem. But I currently have it so that our billing checking account is completely automated paying and pretty much runs itself - I do monitor it and sometimes revised budgets but for the most part it is self running. One of the hardest parts has just been if he doesn't do something in a timely fashion I normally woudl say something (nagging). So for example: I normally will do laundry or dishes if he doesn't do them but I haven't been doing that. I have been putting my stuf in the dishwasher when I'm done eating but then it is hard when his stuff just sits there for a week - I so badly want to yell at him and just tell him to stop being messy but I haven't been saying anything at all. I am trying really hard not to be his "mom". As far as the mullet comment - that does have some to do with our dynamic as far as doing things but it has a lot to do with our personalities - his is very laid back, outgoing and always wanting to go out and I'm more organized, introvertted and a homebody. From the above does it sound like I'm doing this correctly? I thought I was but now I'm not so sure.
Quick fix for the cleaning ladies that don't or won't pick up or vacuum poop, fire them and hire cleaning ladies and let them know before they start what their job requirements are, if they can't handle the poop cleaning tasks, don't hire them. If you're being too nice to the cleaning staff, you can stop that, it's not a requirement for you to be nice, the only requirement from you is to pay them for the work they do. Give the exist staff you have a chance, tell them this is a requirement, tell them if they can't do it, then you will no longer require their services. Plain & simple.
Remember, shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line.
That's part of the problem.
The other part is poop under the bed. You tolerate this much like you've tolerated alot of other "crap" in your life and when you tolerate crap, you will get crap, no pun intended.
The dog needs to be house trained. Speak to the husband, tell him that the dog needs to be house trained and ask him if he's willing to look up a service that can handle this task of training that dog. If he's not up to the task, you have a few choices: you can either get rid of the dog (up to you) or find a trainer and get that dog trained. Stop waiting around for your husband, if he won't do it, you do it.
This is going to get you ready for another task down the road... if your husband won't shape up and act like a husband if you're willing to concede and make some changes that he asks for (if he asks for anything) then you're going to have to take the required action and get rid of him. Can you see yourself living with him forever like this? I can't.
