Now I know what Tom Petty meant when he sang, "The waiting is the hardest part." Tired of being on pins and needles. So hard to not call my wife and tell her, "MAKE A DECISION!"
She moved everything out this weekend and we're discussing splitting up "our" stuff. I let her take anything that was hers before we moved in together. Caved in over the weekend and asked her to reconsider one more time. Gave her a hug and quick peck before I left to meet friends, but I told her that she was also walking out on our friendship (again). This is brutal. If she asked to come back right this minute I honestly don't know what I'd say, even though I asked her to. It's just so hard to throw away 12 years of my life.
She moved everything out this weekend and we're discussing splitting up "our" stuff. I let her take anything that was hers before we moved in together. Caved in over the weekend and asked her to reconsider one more time. Gave her a hug and quick peck before I left to meet friends, but I told her that she was also walking out on our friendship (again). This is brutal. If she asked to come back right this minute I honestly don't know what I'd say, even though I asked her to. It's just so hard to throw away 12 years of my life.
Broken,
I know -- KNOW -- this is damned hard, but you only get one shot at these moments. This:
Quote:
Gave her a hug and quick peck before I left to meet friends
pretty much negates this:
Quote:
I told her that she was also walking out on our friendship (again).
Just like it is with them, it's not so much you SAY, it's what you DO!
I agree. If my H would have hugged me and gave me those little pecks, I would have happily continued doing what I had been doing b/c to me,that was giving his consent. In other words, he might not be too happy about it but he would tolerate it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She moved everything out this weekend and we're discussing splitting up "our" stuff. I let her take anything that was hers before we moved in together. Caved in over the weekend and asked her to reconsider one more time. Gave her a hug and quick peck before I left to meet friends, but I told her that she was also walking out on our friendship (again). This is brutal. If she asked to come back right this minute I honestly don't know what I'd say, even though I asked her to. It's just so hard to throw away 12 years of my life.
Remove her safety net. Quit letting her know that she can always come back if her fantasy doesn't pan out. This is the Big Girl Panties stage of the game. She has made a choice, now allow her to feel the full impact of what leaving you means. It means the friendship is over. It means she solves all of her problems without your safety net, counsel, support, interest. She is on her way to being D so let her feel that now.
You are not throwing away 12 years, broken. SHE IS walking away from 12 years. Let her feel the chill of that. You keep kissing her, hugging her, talking friendship with her - geez - she's thinking "This is easier than I thought!"
Big Girl Panties.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I know, I know, I dropped the ball. But for a minute there she seemed like the person I knew, not the person she's invented for herself. I wanted to give my wife a kiss goodbye, because even though this new person is living 10 minutes away, I feel like the woman I loved is leaving forever. I told her this new person does nothing but hurt people who loved her, and I didn't like her. She let down her guard and I gave her a hug & kiss, and left. I'm done with this new person. If that's who she wants to be, I want nothing to do with her. I just wanted to say goodbye to the woman I loved. If nothing changes in a couple months I'M going to ask for a divorce.
Broken- our time line is the same, as we discussed. W moved out yesterday...I said the same thing about the friendship...I was fortunate, I did what you did except on Sat...W initiated the embrace- I tried to pull away but she kept it going...it was great- BUT I FAIED AT MY SITCH.
The move went well, there was nothing there between us- I was civil, but distant.
