It was a rough weekend. Lots of rain..and hence a lot of water in the basement. I am worn out. My H came over last night to help with the water and it all felt very weird. We barely spoke but I also didn't really feel anything. I didn't want him to hold me or kiss me or anything. I felt empty.
The power went out this morning and I spent several hours dealing with more water and I just broke down. My H showed up just when the power came back on. (I had texted him this morning when the power went out). He saw that I was completely exhausted..I had tears coming down my face..and he was nice enough to point out that the puppy had an accident inside. I didn't see it and he said 'Are you blind...it is right there'. He didn't offer to clean it up..he just waited for me to get up and do it. I walked over to him and pushed him out the door and locked it behind him. I don't like being spoken to like that...and this is the way he always speaks. Even though what he said is not that big of a deal...it is a big deal that he always talks to me like this..and I have always let him.
I have decided to file for D today. I need to move on with my life and I have just been in a holding pattern. I guess I hit my limit. I don't think my H will ever have the capacity to love me (or anyone) the way I deserve and need to be loved. I have been holding on with the belief that my H will change but I don't think that is case. He isn't a kind man..I am sad but I also feel relieved...It is time.
I probably should move over to the D thread...does anyone have any ideas of how I should file and serve him? I am in a no fault state but I would like to file as Adultery. I don't have his apartment address...should I serve them both at work? just via certified mail? I don't want to lose my dignity after all of this...but I would like people in his office (besides the partners) to know about his affair with the secretary. Or should I just let it go? He has been such a jerk throughout all of this....but should I just let it go?
