Talk about "shock and awe", I am going thru almost the exact same thing and it happened within days of your bad experience.I just found this website last night.
My husband is in Iraq, a LTC in the 2nd Battalion. He has been profoundly depressed since November. Some of the the few differences between you and I is that we have a toddler(son), we are in our forties and this is his 2nd marriage. We have only been married for 2 years and our son is our only child.
Not sure if I can offer any advice at the moment b/c I am new to this too. I do have a question however, how were you able to contact his CO about the problem? Was it a good idea? I am new to being an Army wife and we do not even live near a base. I do not know what my resources are right now except for military one source.
Clarkova... what kinds of things has your H been saying to you and what have you been saying back? Have you read Divorce Remedy? If not, I suggest you go buy it ASAP and get to reading. It will put things into a little better perspective will help you get equipped with a plan.
What kinds of things are depressing your H do you think? The Army uses Tricare for health insurance right? You should be entitled to get counseling for yourself even if you do not live near a base if you can find a counselor that accepts Tricare and you can get authorization from Tricare to go see that person. Counseling has helped me immensely. If not only to vent my situation and deal with my own emotions over it. You could also look into calling a divorce busting coach from this website, it costs $390 for 3 45 minute sessions and that has REALLY been helpful for me. I started seeing some progress from my H immediately after using the techniques the DB coach told me. I am still nowhere near where I need to be, but definitely saw some progress. He went from telling people that he is definitely sure about divorcing me...to now saying he doesnt know what he is going to do... and I will take that!
As far as the CO, i know that is Army terms for commanding officer, my H is in the air force and I told his first shirt here at the base we are stationed at. I did that because I thought maybe they could get my H on the phone for me so I could talk to him after I got the email telling me he didnt want to be with me anymore. I am not sure that it was necessarily a good idea. For you, if your husband is really depressed, and if it has to do with his job especially, it could be a good idea for you to somehow address it to somebody that could keep an eye out for him and watch for signs and maybe get him to seek some help. But you do NOT want to do it in a way that will force help upon him that obviously came from you... does that make sense?
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
ok someone help me interpret this.... i was on facebook and my H was on too, i didnt initiate any conversation and then he IM'ed me and said what are you doing up this late I said oh i was just cleaning the house. I said you mom was telling me about your new car that you got, it sounds really nice i am happy for you. He said yeah its really nice! and it was pretty affordable too! blah blah blah... and then he said im not gonna lie it felt really good to be able to buy that for myself! and i said yeah im sure it was. I wish i could have been a part of it but I am happy for you. He said I know you do but i have to start doing stuff on my own... the rest was small talk and then his computer died so the conversation was ended.... what should i make of that?? I feel like he always says things like we will see what happens with us and then says things that make me feel like he is definitely moving on??
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
i was really feeling like i could do this... i really thought i had what it took to hold it together and fight for my marriage... but i dont, i feel like i just cant do this...i feel like i want to get on a plane and get the hell out of here... this is unfair, i dont deserve this... now i think there is someone else, i saw a message he sent someone saying he was gonna be coming thru california to visit, there is nothing in cali...but maybe a girl.... i do not deserve this... i shouldnt have to make my husband love me! i deserve love and i dont deserve this.... i love him and i have been trying to better myself for this marriage and what is he doing? working on being single... we were happy, we were in love, we were planning on starting our family..... and he took that all away from me...
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
Meg, you're on a roller coaster and the worst one that you could ever be on. Keep driving on. Keep going dark. Everything that your H does is going to be out of the ordinary to you. I'm new at this also but, if you keep reading DB and DR and if you try to mix it up with the different techniques that Michelle gives you, it will help you become a better you. I know it must be harder since you cannot see him at all, the only contact you have is email or facebook(worse thing ever) Ignor facebook, it is hard and even I cannot stay away from my wife's page, but when I do I feel better.
Keep your head up, GAL do 180s. Find hobbies anything at all to keep your mind off of your R, M, and H. If you are religious, start to pray or meditate more. I wish I could give you better advice but like I said I'm also new at this.
Aces
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
thank you aces... i want so badly to keep my head in this and keep fighting, my H comes home on Thursday from Iraq but then is leaving again for 2 weeks in about 2 weeks to go see his daugther, pick up his new midlife crisis car, and perhaps go visit somebody in cali? I am SOOO scared that he will file while he is in the States. And what do I do if he does? crappy thing is I will have to leave here... time is just really working against me here. i am scared to death and feel completely out of control... i thought some of my DB techniques were working but now i think he is just playing nice to make this go more smoothly. i dont know... life sucks right now.
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
MH.. I know your in Turkey.. Not sure why you are there if he is away from you.. Why not be closer to your family. I beleive at this time family support is key to your well being. I know in my sitch, I speak to my sister everyday.. I also write in a journal but talking to her gives me the female perspective. She too is D and she really helps because she listens..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
It is hard, and it's not for everyone. You will find out over the next month whether you can take living with such uncertainty for a period of time for a man who made "forever" vows to you. You may find out that you can't, and that's okay. You're trying to wait it out and you may be able to, but you may not know if you can handle this without too much emotional damage to yourself for a month or more. Try to get some support.
Meg, honestly I think if you went back home, you would be better off. The support you can have with your family and friends may be the best thing for you. Waiting two weeks for him to get back home has got to be stressful and the fact that you know he is only going to be there a short time just to leave again. With family around you'll be able to put your mind else where and also be around familiar and comfortable settings.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
